You Could Be Happy
by jenpall
Summary: Bella and Edward are a happy, career driven couple.  Or are they?  There are times when you have to be selfish and times that force you to be selfless.  Life forces Edward and Bella to make life altering decisions.  AU/AH/Canon Pairings. My 1st E POV.
1. Chapter 1:  A Week Til London

**a/n: Hello everyone... this is something I've been working on while I've been blocked with _Man of Honor _... it's inspired by Snow Patrol's _You Could Be Happy_**

**This is my first story from Edward's POV... you will have to tell me how I do.**

**I do not own Twilight or You Could Be Happy... but the both play round in my head... **

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Chapter 1 – A Week til London

"Edward," Bella sighs, sounding exasperated, "please, sit and talk to me."

"Give me a minute," I mutter. I look over to see her sitting on the edge of the sofa, nervously wringing her hands and biting down on her bottom lip. She looks up at me and her sad eyes are begging me to come to her. My stomach clenches and my heart feels like it's going to split in two. "Jesus, Bella, I just walked in the damn door," I groan as I walk into our bedroom wanting to completely avoid this conversation as long as possible. I kick my shoes off towards the closet. They both haphazardly miss the open closet door and clunk loudly into the wall, leaving two black scuff marks on the light beige paint. I strip out of my suit and set it on our bed and then get in the shower.

I know she wants to talk to me, but I just can't face her right now. It just hurts too damn bad. I know what she needs to say… she has received a promotion of epic proportions, but with a life-changing caveat: she has to move to London and she has to be there in a week. Emmett let it slip today while we were working out at the gym. Apparently, Bella confided in Rosalie a few weeks ago. Not me, but Rosalie and that really fucking stung because I thought she and I meant more to one another… why didn't she come to me first?

I shake my head in frustration and walk into the bathroom and turn on the shower. I immediately get in before the water even has a chance to warm up and let the cold water pelt my face and my chest, the temperature causes goose-bumps to quickly rise all over my body. As the water slowly warms and I turn and put my arms up on the cool tile wall and rest my head on my crossed fore-arms, letting the now hot water beat down on my back and neck.

I know what I have to do and it's breaking my heart. My jaw clenches and I swear my heart is being torn to pieces. Tears are filling my eyes and I let them come, not bothering to wipe them away as they stream down my face. Just the thought of letting her go is crushing me… just the thought. I can't imagine having to say the words… I can't imagine having to watch her go.

My body feels heavy and I quickly sit down on the floor of the shower before I fall over. I prop my arms up on my knees and rest my head in my hands. I don't feel the warmth of the water or the chill of the cool tile floor beneath me. All I feel is loss and she's not even gone yet.

"Edward?" I hear Bella ask quietly.

I look up and see her worried expression through the glass shower door. "Are you okay?" she asks quietly. I can't speak so I just shake my head no. Bella slowly slips out of her white button down dress shirt and then lets her gray pin-striped pencil skirt fall into a puddle on the floor. She is beautiful as she gracefully eases out of her flesh-colored satin bra and matching boy shorts. Her long brown hair frames her face, but she quickly pulls it back and ties it up in a bun on the top of her head, to keep it from getting too wet in the water. She opens the shower door and steps in and then quickly over to me. She kneels down beside me and the water begins to bead-up on her porcelain skin. She looks directly into my eyes, and seeing my pain she winces. "You know?" she asks in a whisper.

I nod.

She looks up at the ceiling and I see I tear stream down her cheek and down the side of her throat. Bella looks back into my eyes and I can see that she's trying not to break down, too. "I'm sorry," she murmurs and her voice cracks as she continues, "I should have come to you first."

There's so many things that I would like to say… so many things that I need to say. But, my heart is in throat and I can't find my voice. I shift so that I am turned towards her and she reaches forward and gently cradles my face in her hands. I close my eyes let myself lean into her touch and I feel the tears pool in my eyes and eventually make their way down my face. I take a deep breath trying to relax, trying not to break down into a sobbing mess. Before I can exhale Bella's lips come to mine in a sweet caress.

The kiss begins sweetly, but then quickly turns passionate and I am instantly hard for her. I kiss her with all that I am: nipping at her bottom lip, begging entrance into her mouth and when she quickly gasps I thrust my tongue into her mouth and begin working her tongue with my own. Her hands quickly slide into my wet hair as I wrap my arms around Bella's impossibly small waist and trap her roughly against my chest. I feel the pebbled nipples of her perfect breasts push against my chest and I quickly move her around to straddle my waist. I take my heavy erection in my hand and slowly guide her down on to me. Our kisses slow and begin to match the pace of our love-making. It's slow and languorous, as if we have all the time in the world, when in all reality every moment we have is numbered.

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**a/n: I know this first chapter is short, but the rest will be longer :)**

**I am still working on Man of Honor and should be posting Chapter 18 this week. Sorry for the delay... r/l is, well it's reality.**

**So, press that review button and let me know what you think? I'm curious how I did with the male POV :)**


	2. Chapter 2:  Reasons

**a/n: I do not own Twilight... but I appreciate being able to play with the characters.**

**Thank you for reading and extra special love for those who take the time to review :)**

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Chapter 2 - Reasons

I wake up to Bella's warm body splayed across mine. Her delicate arm lies across my chest while one of her long lean legs is draped across my waist. Her long brown hair is strewn everywhere and the sweet smell of her Pantene shampoo has saturated my senses.

I shift slightly so that I can watch her sleep.

She is stunning… flawless… beautiful.

I reach over and move a few stray strands of hair away from her angelic face and then I find myself tracing the outline of her face with my thumb… then her eyebrows… then her nose… and then finally, her lips.

I'm trying to memorize every feature… every beauty mark… every detail of her face.

I lean in over and kiss her shoulder and then slowly begin to pry myself out from under lithe limbs. She stirs for a moment, rolling onto her back and throwing her hands above her head. I take another moment to stare down at the love of my life. I can't believe she's leaving. I shake my head… I can't believe I'm letting her go.

I pull on my boxer-briefs and quietly head to the kitchen to make the morning coffee. I peek out the front door and see the morning paper sitting in the drive-way and decide to make the quick ten-foot dash into the cool morning air to retrieve the newspaper.

I set the paper on the kitchen table and wait for the coffee to finish brewing. I normally would begin perusing the paper, looking for something interesting to start the day off with, but today I can't focus on anything other than the wrenching spasms in my chest.

Today is the day Bella and I will have the conversation that I have been dreading. And I am scared to death.

I try and ignore the dread that is building in my mind and make my cup of coffee and a couple pieces of toast topped with Peanut Butter. When I turn to go back to the table, I am surprised to find a smiling Bella standing at the table wearing nothing but my royal blue dress shirt that I wore the day before to work.

"Morning," she says quietly as she walks over to the coffee pot.

"Morning, Baby," I reply as I set my breakfast on the table and as I go to sit down she wraps her arms around my waist from behind me.

Her head settles against the middle of my back and she gives my waist a squeeze. "I love you," she says quietly and then lets me go to make her own coffee.

She sits down next to me and begins fidgeting with the handle of her mug. She's looking down into her coffee and doesn't seem to notice me staring at her. "Hey," I say softly pulling her gaze up to mine, "I love you, too." I smile slightly and she smiles back.

Bella takes a sip of her coffee and then sighs quietly to herself. She's gone back to looking at her coffee. And I realize that I just can't go through the day waiting for her to finally have the courage to talk to me.

"Bella?" I say to get her attention. She raises her eyes slowly to mine, "We need to talk," I tell her softly. She nods, but still is quiet. I'm trying to be patient. But, I just can't handle this. I know for a fact she starts her job in London a week from Monday. "Why didn't you tell me what happened with your job?" I ask cautiously, trying not to show how upset I really am.

"I didn't think you'd let me take the promotion," she says so quietly I can barely hear her.

I'm stunned. I never would have held her back, would I? Then I ask, "_Let you_?"

Bella's expression tightens some at my question and I can see the thoughts beginning to swirl around in that beautiful head. "Yes, _let. me_. When I was offered the correspondence job that would have only lasted for six months, what did you say?" She glares at me and pauses for moment and I sputter, not knowing where this was coming from. "You said that it was a waste of my time because it would _only_ be for a limited time. When in reality it was an _AMAZING _opportunity that I let pass me by because I listened to you. When I was promoted to producer, you asked me if I was sure I could handle that much responsibility, like I was a fucking child. And you made me doubt myself for months until I finally realized that I was capable of that and _SOOOOO _much more."

"Bella, I…" I'm stunned. I hadn't realized what I had said has affected her so greatly. "… I'm sorry… I never meant…" is all I can manage. I had never meant to hold her back. I had never meant to make her feel anything but good about herself and somehow I have managed to fuck that up.

Bella just shakes her head at my apology, "I'm sorry, too. I should have talked to you before I talked to anyone else. But, I have already agreed to take the promotion and I leave for London next Friday."

Bella is glaring up at me defiantly and I _really_ don't know why. Up until a minute ago I had no idea that I had ever made her feel so bad. The more I think about it the more frustrated I become. I take a deep breathe trying to calm my fraying nerves. "Were you ever going to talk to me about any of this or were you just going to make the decision and expect me to deal with it?" I grumble quietly.

Her response is immediate, "When I was offered the position, I accepted it without hesitation," she says curtly.

I shake my head, fighting to keep my temper in check, "I thought we… well, I thought we were more than this…" my voice trails off, not sure where my thoughts are heading.

"What do you mean?" Bella asks softly.

"I mean, I thought we were in this relationship together. That we were working towards the same goals. That we loved one another equally and unequivocally." I rub my hands over my face and then continue, "I don't understand how we've gotten here," I sigh.

I notice Bella's hands are fisted together on the table top. She is clenching her hands together so tightly that her knuckles are white. I look back up at her face and see tears welling up in her eyes. I lean forward and place one of my larger hands over hers. "What is it Bella, please tell me," I plead.

"Edward…" she begins, but her voice catches in her throat. She looks down at our hands and then up to my face. "We've been together for six years now. When are you going to ask me to marry you?" she asks in a whisper.

I can't help but groan and slink back into my chair. "Not this again," I inadvertently sigh.

"Yes! This AGAIN!" Bella yells at me. "How much longer, _Edward_? Four years ago YOU told me that you just needed to have a certain amount of money saved up. And then when you reached that goal you wanted to buy a house before we got engaged. You bought this house two years ago and since then you haven't said shit about getting married. Whenever I ask you, you just tell me to be patient, which is complete _bullshit_. BECAUSE IF YOU WANTED TO MARRY ME YOU WOULD HAVE ALREADY!" Bella stands up and takes her mug over and slams it down in the sink, making me startle in my seat.

I stand and spin around to face Bella. Her back is to me and her head is hanging down to hear chest. I can see her shoulders shaking and I know that she is quietly crying. I reach forward and place my hand on her should and she immediately pulls away. I move to her and wrap my arms around her waist and pull her to me. "I'm sorry," I whisper repeatedly into her ear hoping to calm her. Instead she just cries harder. I scoop her up into my arms and carry her to our bed. I lay us down and pull the covers up, over our legs. She falls asleep quietly sobbing, while I repeatedly tell her how sorry I am.

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**a/n: sorry this chapter was so short... I know I said they would get longer and they will, just not yet...**

**So, what do you think? most of you don't like Bella right now and I don't blame you, but she has her reasons :)**

**For thos of you following Man of Honor: I will be posting chapter 18 sometime tomorrow... probably afternoon or evening... Sorry it's taking so long!**

**Thanks for reading... please take sometime and show me some love :)**


	3. Chapter 3: Letting Go

**a/n: I do not own Twilight or You Could Be Happy... but they both are my some of my favorite things...**

**Thanks for reading and extra special hugs and kisses for those of you that take the time to review... Love you all!**

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Chapter 3 – Letting Go

I am lost.

I am so lost that I call in sick to work and tell them that I won't be in the rest of the week.

For the last two days Bella has been steadily packing her belongings. With each item she packs the hole in my chest grows larger and I don't think there is anything I can do to change her mind. I'm not sure if I should even try.

She isn't really talking to me. But, when I ask her questions she answers.

"When are you leaving?" I ask.

"I am flying out Wednesday, but my job officially starts Monday."

"Where are you staying?"

"I am staying with a co-worker until I can find a place of my own."

I pause for a moment, running through which of Bella's co-workers it could possibly be. When I come up empty, I ask, "Who?"

"Her name is Kate. You've never met her," Bella's voice trails off.

It's all very robotic and impersonal. She barely looks up at me and when she does the pain in her eyes only deepens my own, making it hard for me to breathe.

"How long will you be there?" I ask quietly.

"My contract is for two years with the option to renew in eighteen months."

"Will you come back to visit?"

"Maybe, I'm not really sure right now," she answers softly.

I leave the house for a little while because I just can't breathe any more. I get in the car to drive away, but the emotions are too much and my thoughts are crushing me.

She's leaving me.

In a little more than a day she will be on a plane and I may never see her again. I have irrevocably damaged the one thing that I held so close to my heart. I have unknowingly hurt my best friend, the woman I love so deeply that I am just now beginning to fathom the depth. And she needs this. She needs to go and do this for herself. As much as I love her and want her to stay with me forever, I have to let her go.

With that thought tears stream down my face. I rest my head against my steering wheel and wonder if I slam my head against it hard enough would it dull the pain in my chest. I stay in my car for a few minutes and try to collect myself.

Scrubbing my face with my hands I sigh. I've known all along that I have been holding on too tightly. Bella has always been amazing at everything she has ever done and it was just a matter of time before the right person saw her and made her an offer that would boost her career to the next level. And now that has happened.

When I finally make my way back into the house, I find Bella on the phone. She hangs up quickly and nervously looks up at me from the couch.

"Who was that?" I ask, slightly annoyed, but mostly worried about who could have possibly been on the other end of the phone. I walk over and sit down next to her, taking her petite hands into my own, cradling them like they are the most precious things in this world.

Bella turns her body towards mine and whispers, "That was Rose. She's going to come and get me in the morning and I am going to spend tomorrow with her and Alice."

I just nod and pull her against my chest. I lean back into the sofa trying to keeping her close and I lose it. I can't hide my tears from her any longer. I hug her tightly to me, wishing I never had to let her go.

Bella sits up and looks at me and when she sees that I'm crying she begins to cry as well. "Talk to me," she begs quietly. I shake my head no, not feeling capable of forming a coherent thought. She quickly straddles my lap and takes my face between her hands. "Damn it, Edward, if you _ever_ loved me, you need to talk to me, _now_," she implores.

"I do love you," I whisper, "I will _always_ love you." I lean in and kiss her gently on the lips. She begins to kiss me back, but I pull away. "I have to let you go and I think it's the hardest thing I have ever had to do," I tell her, trying to hold it all in.

Bella shakes her head, "We can try the long-distance thing," she whispers as she grabs the hair at the back of my head tightly in her hands.

"No…" I groan, "I can't. I have to let you go." I look into her deep brown, understanding eyes and whisper, "I don't want to hold you back anymore."

Before I can say another word Bella's mouth crashes down on mine. She's kissing me fiercely while pulling my hair harder than she ever has before. All I can do is groan into her mouth and try to keep up. She pulls my t-shirt up over my head and throws it somewhere in the Living Room. I follow suit and pull hers off and throw it by the way side as well.

Bella attacks my mouth again and begins grinding herself against my immediately painful erection. I can't help but push back against her burning core as I palm her ass roughly with my hands. Bella groans into my mouth and I can't take it anymore. I lean us forward and stand up while holding her against me. She doesn't break our kiss, but immediately wraps her legs around my waist and I slowly make my way to our bedroom.

I push her up against out bedroom door and grind into her as I reach, blindly for the door knob. After a missing the mark, Bella leans back just a bit, and easily finds the knob and opens the door. I push us into our room and lean down and place Bella onto the foot of our bed.

Slowly, I break away and stand up in front of her. She immediately comes up onto her knees and grabs the belt loops of my jeans, pulling me towards her. I lean down and gently kiss her already swollen lips and my left hand goes to the nape of her neck, while my right cradles her face. Her small, hot hands immediately begin burning a trail up my stomach to my chest and back down to the waistband. I let my hand that had been at the nape of Bella's neck trace and begin to make my way down her delicate neck until I feel her collarbone. I feel the elegant line under the tips of my fingers until I reach her shoulder. I run my hand down her arm and then over to her breast, where I find an already hard nipple waiting for my attention. I pinch and pull as I deepen our kiss. Bella unzips my jeans and begins to pull my pants and boxers down, letting them fall to the floor. One of her greedy little hands immediately palms my erection, making me hiss into her mouth. Everything about her feels so good, so perfect.

She pulls her mouth away from mine and begins trailing kissing down my neck and chest. I look down just as she pulls her mouth away from my stomach and she quickly takes my aching erection into her mouth. I groan her name and she glances up at me while keeping my cock in her mouth. I reach up and gently move a strand of hair away from her face. She begins to move, slowly taking me deeper into her mouth. I caress her cheek gently with my thumb. As Bella's pace quickens, I can't help but groan and wrap my hands in her hair. I'm not guiding her by any means. I'm just trying to feel more… more than just her hot, velvet mouth gliding around my dick, but the silky feel of her beautiful, chestnut hair between my fingers. Her hands are caressing my legs and ass and the sensations are fucking amazing.

My balls begin to tighten and I whisper her name, "Bella…." When she glances up, I tell her, "Come up here."

She pulls away slowly, teasing my shaft and my head with her tongue as she eases away. She sits back on her knees and I lean down and kiss her gently on the lips. "I want to make love to you," I say quietly against her lips. Bella nods and then slinks back further into the middle of the bed. Once she settles on the bed she reaches out for me with her hand and I quickly kneel down onto the bed and take her hand into mine and I allow her to pull me towards her. I settle between her legs and lean forward onto my elbows, cradling her face with my hands. I look down at her and smile.

She is gorgeous. Her face is slightly flushed and her lips slightly swollen. She blinks up at me and then smiles. "What?" she asks quietly, her voice throaty.

"You're beautiful," I say sweetly and then kiss her lips before she can deny it. She opens her mouth to mine and at the same time she runs her hands down my back and up my sides, sending chills through my body. I gasp and her tongue sneaks into my mouth and our kiss turns playful.

I shift my hips a bit and I feel her push against me. She's hot and wet and I can't wait any longer to get inside of her. I rest my forehead against hers and align myself with her and push forward slightly. She takes a deep breath as I push further into her.

And then we completely lose ourselves in one another.

It's morning when I roll over to reach for her and find that I'm alone in our bed. I take a deep breathe, realizing that today's the day: today's the day that she's leaving me. The smell of her shampoo lingers on her pillow and I pull it to my bare chest and bury my face in the cool material, not wanting to face the day.

I can hear her shuffling around the rest of the house and then I hear her walk into our bedroom. The bed beside me sinks down slightly and I open my eyes to see Bella's red-rimmed eyes staring intently into mine.

"Hi," she says softly.

"Mornin'," I respond timidly.

"I…" she stutters and then looks down at her hands before continuing, "… I have to get going," she whispers.

I sit up in the bed and whisper, "Come here," as I pull her to me. Bella folds into my chest and I can feel her body shutter with a silent sob. I wrap my arms around her and kiss the top of her head, "It's going to be ok," I try to reassure her.

"How can you say that?" she asks as she nuzzles against my neck.

"Because it has to be," I whisper in her ear and kiss her cheek.

Bella looks up at me and smiles slightly. "I have to get going," she sighs.

I run my hands up her arms and then gently take her face between my hands. I look into the deep brown eyes of the love of my life and my heart shatters as I ask myself 'What in the hell are you thinking letting her go'. I lower my lips onto hers and kiss her gently. "I love you," I whisper against her lips. She brings her hands to my face and smiles, "I love you, too." She wraps her arms around my neck and hugs me as if her life depends on it.

And then in the blink of an eye she's out of my arms and standing next to the bed. "Bella?" I question, not sure what shifted so quickly.

"I have to go," she whimpers and then takes another step away from me.

I rake my hands through my hair and over my face. I feel so fucking helpless. I don't want her to go. I want her to stay with me. Not just for today, but for always. And I know, it is way too late and there's nothing I can do to change her mind. "Will you call me before you leave tomorrow?" I ask nervously, afraid she's going to say no.

"I will," she answers. She turns and walks to the bedroom door, but pauses when she reaches it. She turns to face me, leaning on the door frame. "Good bye, Edward," she croaks, as tears begin to fall down her porcelain cheeks.

Before I can answer she's gone in a flash of brown hair. I realize in that instant I have to stop her… I have to make her stay. My heart is beating out of my chest and I can feel it pounding in my head. I begin to call out her name, but I can't find my voice and I can't breathe. I hear the front door slam and I jump out of the bed. I fumble around our bedroom, looking for a pair of boxers. I find the pair I wore yesterday and quickly pull them on. I hear the front door creak open and yell, "Bella… wait!"

I stumble around the bedroom door and fall into the Living Room only to find Jasper and Emmett standing in my kitchen. "Fuck," I mutter, knowing that there is no way that these two will let me stop her.

"Damn, man, go put some pants on," Emmett chuckles.

"Fuck off, Em," I groan. "What in the hell are you two doing here?" I ask not wanting to deal with either of them. If I can't have her, I just want to be left alone.

"You're stuck with us," Jasper smiles, "Girls orders."

I scowl. I don't need or want their 'girls' interfering with my life. "Why don't you two go the fuck home. If I need you I will call you." I head back into my bedroom and slam my door behind me. "Meddling fuckers," I groan and climb back into bed.

"WE AREN'T LEAVING!" I hear Emmett yell as I pull my blankets over my head and try like hell not to cry.

The next few weeks go by at an agonizingly slow pace. Bella did call me before she boarded her plane and then again when she made it to her flat in London. I haven't heard her voice since then. She sent me a text last week telling me she missed me and I told her I missed her more than she knew. But, I couldn't bring myself to call her.

I go to bed every night and bury my face, crying into her pillow. I can't escape her scent. When I open the closet the smell of her perfume has permeated all of my clothes. And then, when I get dressed she lingers with me throughout the day. She left a bottle of her shampoo in my shower and I can't resist using it to wash my hair. Making our bed continue to smell of her shampoo, but it wasn't quite the same. It wasn't quite the sweet smell of her shampoo mixed with Bella's naturally sweet scent. But, it was close.

When September rolls around I text Bella and wish her a Happy Birthday. I still can't bring myself to call her. As much as I want to hear her voice, I know saying goodbye to her again will shatter me. Right after I send the text my cell phone rings and I'm only slightly relieved when I see it's my sister, Alice, instead of Bella.

I take a deep breath and answer the phone, "Hey, Al."

"Big Brother," her voice chimes through the phone, "How have you been?"

I laugh bitterly, "Fine, Al… I'm fine. How are you?"

"I'm good. I was hoping we could get together for lunch today. What do ya say?" she goads.

"Umm," I stall, wanting to avoid seeing anyone. "I… hell… I just don't want to."

"Listen up Edward," Alice's voice changes from sweet to blunt, "You need to meet me for lunch or Mom and Dad are going to be on your door step in the morning. You choose."

"What? Why?" I ask wishing everyone would just leave me alone and mind their own fucking business.

"Edward, just meet me at _Josie's_ for lunch at Noon, ok?" She demands.

"Fine," I groan and hang up my cell phone and page, Jessica, my secretary.

"Yes, Mr. Cullen?"

"Call _Josie's_ and make a twelve o' clock reservation for two," I snap, not wanting to have lunch with anyone, let alone Alice. But, seeing her _is_ better than having to deal with the rest of my family. I'm not in the mood to deal with the sickening sweet, happily-married Cullen clan.

"Yes, sir," She answers quickly and cuts off the intercom. She buzzes back quickly. "Mr. Cullen?"

"Yes?"

"Your reservation has been made. Is there anything else, sir?"

"No. Thank you, Jessica," I reply automatically.

"You're welcome, sir." And then she's gone. Jessica is the best secretary I've ever had. She's quiet, efficient and dependable. Bella liked her as well. They had actually gotten to be friends and Bella felt very comfortable with the fact that Jessica was happily married to my partner, Mike. Jessica quickly picked up on Bella's absence in my life. It was easy to figure out between my melancholy moods and the startling end to Bella's phone calls to my office. Jessica hasn't said anything to me. But, she had become even more attentive, more concerned, than she had been in the past.

At eleven-thirty Jessica reminds me, "Mr. Cullen, you have your lunch reservation."

"Thanks," I answer and close the files the files that I had been going over on my laptop. I put my laptop in my bag. I gather my jacket and the rest of my belongings and head out of my office. Jessica looks up at me from her desk and smiles slightly. "Do I have any other appointments this afternoon?" I ask.

Jessica glances down at her computer before answering, "No sir. You have nothing until tomorrow morning."

"Oh," it strikes me as a bit odd not to have another appointment for the day. "Why is that?" I ask.

Jessica shifts in her seat, looking uncomfortable. "Well, sir, all new clients have been assigned to Mr. Newton," she answers quietly.

"Why is _that_?" I ask, wondering when and why that decision has been made for me and not with me.

"Sir, maybe you should talk to Mr. Newton about that, it's really not my place to say," her face reddens and she looks up at me sheepishly.

"Jessica, I don't want to talk to Mike about this right now." I'm frustrated and if I talk to Mike it will just get worse. "Just tell me what's going on."

"A couple of clients complained to Mike and then they were shifted to him." Jessica sees the hurt expression on my face and stands up, placing her hand on mine that was resting on the ledge in front of her desk. I bristle at the contact and pull my hand away. "Mr. Cullen, he's trying to give you time to get back to yourself without making a big deal out of what's going on," she says in a hushed voice.

"I see," I grumble. I look down at my brown leather shoe and ask, "Have I really been that _off_?"

"You just haven't been yourself, that's all," she tells me gently, her eyes begging me not to be angry with her.

"I think I'm going to take the rest of the day off. I need to get my head straight." I turn and walk away before she can answer. If the needs me she knows how to get in touch with me. But, I would venture a guess that she would call Mike before she would call me right now.

I make it _Josie's_, a small bistro that has a limited clientele and a normally long wait, in about fifteen minutes. Alice, unusually early, is standing near the front door waiting for me. When she first sees me her expression becomes sad and then when she catches me looking at her she pastes on a wide-grin trying to hide her obvious concern.

"Alice," I smile and then reach out to pull her into a hug. Her petite frame feels fuller against mine and I wonder if my waif of a sister has finally put on a little weight. "You look good," I tell her as I move to open the door for her.

"Thanks," she smiles up at me. My normally chatty little sister is oddly quiet and it's slightly unnerving.

I tell the hostess our name and we are seated quickly at small table next to a window. Our waitress comes and takes our drink orders and then disappears.

"So, what's up Al?" I question, breaking the uncomfortable silence and wanting to hurry up and get this over with.

"Edward…" she whispers. She looks at me, her eyes are gentle and I can see that she's actually thinking before she speaks. "We are worried about you," she says quietly.

"I'm fine," I groan and lean back into my chair for support.

"You don't look fine," she states matter-of-factly. She raises her eyebrows and then continues, "You've lost weight. Have you been eating?"

"Yes, I eat," I lie with a resigned sigh.

"Why haven't you called Jazz or Emmett back? You don't even answer the door when we stop by the house. And no one has seen you since Bells left six weeks ago. We are all worried about you. This isn't like _you_."

"I don't feel like talking to anyone," I snap. "Especially, any of you," I let slip under my breath.

Alice's eyes go wide. "What in the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Her gaze cuts straight to my heart and I can't bear it. I look down at my hands that are in my lap and continue, "I don't want to hear it… or see it in your eyes."

"What is 'it'?" she asks softly.

I glance up and see that her expression has softened a bit, "Disappointment… judgement … pity… Bella… I just can't handle any of it right now."

"Edward, no one is doing any of that…" I scoff out loud at her statement, knowing damn well there's no way Rosalie hasn't made her contempt for me even more clear than normal. "… fine, Rose is Rose," Alice smiles, "But the rest of us are here for _you_. We love you and want you to be okay."

"Thanks, Al," I answer softly. The waitress brings us our drinks and quickly takes our order, disappearing as fast as she had appeared.

"Have you talked to Bella?" Alice asks as she sips her water.

I can't say the words. So, I shake my head no. "You?" I ask.

She shakes her head yes. "Why haven't you talked to her?" Alice pries.

"I, well, I texted her this morning and wished her a happy birthday. But, I just can't hear her voice right now."

"Why? I thought things were good when she left," Alice says off-handedly.

I laugh and shake my head again, "Good would be an over-statement."

"Explain, please. Because I think Bella left with a different take on your relationship than what you seem to have."

I'm all of the sudden eager to hear what Alice has to say and lean forward in my chair expectantly, "What did she say?" I beg.

"Well, when she left she thought she could make your relationship work even though it was going to be rough. But, when you stopped communicating with her altogether, she realized that you were _really_ letting her go. So, now she's trying to respect your decision… even though it's killing her."

"Oh," I don't know what to say. I thought Bella and I had agreed to _not _do the long-distance thing. The waitress brings us our food and I can't eat. I aimlessly shift my salad around my plate, going over what Alice just said over and over in my head.

"Edward?" Alice asks, breaking my attention away from my plate. "Can I ask you something?"

I chuckle, darkly, "Since when do you have to ask?"

She smiles, knowing I'm right. "Why did you let her go?"

I take a deep breath before answering. "You know I ask myself that same question all of the time." I stuff a piece of grilled chicken into my mouth and take my time chewing, glad to have an excuse not to talk. I choke it down and then take a drink from my water glass. I clear my throat and then continue, "How could I hold her back from such an amazing opportunity?"

Alice glares at me pointedly. "Why didn't you try and figure it out? Why didn't you try to go with her? Why are you cutting her out, now?" she asks in quick succession.

"Bella didn't give me any time. She dropped it my lap _days_ before she had to leave. And I'm not cutting her out. I just can't handle it right now… it hurts too much," I add quietly. "Alice, she was leaving me regardless of what I wanted. She went and made this _huge_ decision without even talking to me about it. She had her reasons, but it doesn't make it hurt any less."

"I get that," Alice nods and then asks, "So, are you planning on calling her?"

I cock my head to the side, slightly exasperated. "Why is this so hard to understand?" I ask. "I can't, Al. If I call her … I will just be hanging on to what little we have left. And Bella doesn't need me hanging on to her right now."

"How do you know what Bella needs?" Alice snaps at me and now it's my turn to glare at my sister.

I lean forward and rest my forearms on the table. "What is _that_ supposed to mean?" I growl.

Alice seems to accept my challenge by leaning forward as well. "You are assuming quite a bit without even talking it through with a woman you have spent how many years of your life with?" she hisses.

"Six years… we were together for six years. And Bella made this decision without ME," I bark, trying not to raise my voice. "YOU need to back off and realize that I might just know what is best for me _and _for Bella. She wants to do _this_. She wants to stand on her own and as much as I don't want to… I have to take a step back and let her." I push myself back into my chair and look around for the waitress and wave her over. "Can I get the check, please?" She nods and practically runs away from our table.

"Edward, I'm sorry. I am. I wanted to have lunch with you and just make sure you were ok. I can see this is hard on you and I know it's hard on her, too. But, I want you to know that it affects all of _us_, too."

"Well, you know what?" I grumble. "Bella and I are adults and _we_ have to deal with the repercussions of our decisions: _Me and Bella, _not you, or Jasper, or Mom and Dad. I appreciate that you all love us and want us to be ok. But, you need to accept the facts of the situation: _She_ left, _she's_ in London, _she _might not come back AND _I_ have to let her go. If there is any hope for us, she has to do this for herself and see if she even wants to have a life with me."

"Edward…" Alice begins but I cut her off.

"I'm done talking about this," I groan. I stand and take my wallet from my pocket and throw more than enough money to pay for lunch down on the table. "I have to go, Al," I lean down and kiss her on her cheek, "Tell everyone I'm fine and I will try to be more communicative." I quickly walk away, not waiting around to hear what more she would have to say.

* * *

**a/n: I'm not sure who I feel worse for Edward or Bella... Let me know what you think... I'm very curious :)**

**See you all next week... **


	4. Chapter 4: Fault and Blame

**a/n: I do not own Twilight or it's characters... I do enjoy playing with them a bit :)**

**Happy Holidays everyone... longer note at the bottom...**

**Happy reading...**

* * *

Chapter 4 - Fault and Blame

The next few months are filled with work. After talking to my partner, Mike, I realize that I need to get my focus back, at least at work. And it actually feels good to be able to focus on something other than the aching hole in my chest. So, that's what I do. I work and work some more, sleep some and occasionally find the time to eat, but then work even more.

Before I know it, it's mid-November and my Mom is demanding that I come to their house for Thanksgiving.

"Edward Anthony," she growls through the phone, "you haven't visited for months and if you don't get your ass home for Thanksgiving I'm going to pay your brother and brother-in-law to hunt you down and drag you here kicking and screaming and I will give them carte blanche to do _whatever_ they have to, to get you here."

I laugh quietly at my Mom, "Ok, ok, I hear you. I will be there."

"Do you promise?" she prods.

"Yeah, Mom, I promise. I will be there," I answer, still laughing.

"Thank you, you don't know how much we miss you," she says sweetly.

"I know. I miss you guys, too." I lie into the phone, feeling like a shit for not missing my overly caring family. "I need to go, I have an appointment waiting."

"Ok, bye. I love you,"

"Bye Mom. Love you, too."

The next week flies by in a flurry of meetings and paperwork and before I know it I'm making the hour drive out to my parent's country house.

Alice and Emmett both have called to make sure I was still planning on coming, both offering to give me a ride. I, of course, decline knowing that I might need to get away and I wouldn't be able to do that riding with either of them. Besides that, there is now way in hell I'm going to be trapped in a car with Rosalie for an hour. I'm pretty sure we would kill each if left in such a confined space for so long. And I really didn't feel like having another heart-to-heart with Alice over Bella or hear from Jasper how he "doesn't ever hear from me anymore".

As I pull up the drive I see both my brother and sister's cars already parked by the garage. I park behind Emmett's enormous SUV and get out of my more economic Volvo. I grab the two bottles of wine that I remembered to bring along and walk up to the front door. I pause for a moment, stealing myself for what is to come. It feels strange walking into my parents' home on Thanksgiving, without Bella by my side, for the first time in almost 7 years. I silently hope to make it through the day without there being any drama. But, I know that with my family, that is just way too much to ask.

As I reach for the doorknob, the huge oak door swings open and I'm pleasantly surprised to see my Dad standing in front of me with a smile on his face. "Son," he beams as he steps forward and pulls me into a hug. It's awkward only because I can't hug him back while holding the wine bottles. He quickly figures something is off and takes a step back and looks down, immediately seeing my predicament, and takes the bottles from me. "Go give your Mom a hug, say hello to the rest of the crew and then meet me in my office," he says with a wink and then pats me on the back.

I do what I'm told because I feel completely like the odd-man-out… like I don't belong. And I know that as soon as I do what he says I will have short reprieve from the prying eyes of my siblings and their spouses and from the pity I know I will see in my own Mother's eyes.

I step into the kitchen to see my Mom pulling a huge roasting pan out of one of her wall ovens. I quietly sneak behind her and once she has safely set the hot pan down on the stove top, I rest my chin on her shoulder. She startles slightly and then squeals my name as she turns to face me. She hugs me tightly and tells me, "It's so good to have you home."

"Thanks, Ma," I whisper into the top of her head.

I'm relieved that when she looks up at me her green eyes are truly smiling at me. "You look tired, sweetie," she says sweetly as she pats my cheeks.

"I am. I've been working a lot lately."

"Well, that's good." She walks over to the refrigerator and pulls out two beers. Twists the top off of each hands them to me and says, "We'll visit later. Go spend some time with your Dad."

I just nod and turn to head to Dad's office. It's eerily quiet in the house and I have to wonder where everyone else is. Normally, they would be in the Living Room off of the kitchen, but they weren't there. I make my way down the hall and catch a glimpse of Emmett and Jasper tossing a football around the back yard and decide to poke my head out the back door to say hello.

As I make my way towards the door, I'm relieved to only see the guys. Although I've already seen Alice, I'm in absolutely no hurry to see Rosalie. She has been a thorn in my side since Emmett started dating her in college eight years ago. And I'm positive that, in her eyes, Bella left town because of me. While that may be partially true, there's no way in hell I want to hear that shit from Rose's fucking mouth.

Jasper sees me and smiles, "Hey Edward! Come throw with us," he offers.

"Hey Jazz, Hey Em," I offer up lamely.

"Hey Ed," Emmett says quietly. And I immediately know I have hurt his feeling and will be apologizing to him soon. Emmett is normally the most boisterous of the bunch and for him to give me such a subdued greeting means that I have really fucked up.

"Where are the girls?" I ask quickly.

Jazz glances at Emmett before answering, "They went for a walk. They will be back soon."

"Alright, I will catch up with you guys shortly. Dad wants to talk to me in his office."

Jasper nods and Emmett mutters a "whatever" as I slink back inside the house.

I turn back down the hall and take a swig of my beer before I walk into Dad's office. His door is wide open and I see him sitting on his old leather couch reading a magazine. "Hey, Dad," I say as I enter the office.

He smiles up at me as he says, "Come, have a seat."

I walk over and hand him his beer and sit down at the other end of the couch. "I can't believe you still have this old couch," I chuckle and run my hand over the worn, brown leather.

"What? I love this couch," he laughs back. "So, how's work going these days?" he asks benignly.

"Good. It's keeping me busy," I answer generically.

"That's good to hear. How's Mike? We haven't seen him in ages."

"He's good. Jessica is still my most favorite secretary, ever," I say with complete seriousness.

"That doesn't' surprise me. She's a good woman. Speaking of good women…" he looks at me pointedly and I know what is coming, "How's Bella?"

I shake my head and shrug, "I don't really know. I'm sure she's fine."

"You _still_ haven't talked to her?"

"No. We have texted a few times. She wished me a Happy Thanksgiving this morning. But, no, we haven't spoken to one another since she left.

"And you're alright with _this_?" he asks as he makes a waving gesture with his hands, almost spilling his beer on himself.

"No, I'm not and to be brutally honest I'm not ok with _any_ of this, but it's not really my decision."

My Dad just shakes his head. "Son, your Mother and I are really confused by all of this. And we get very different stories from Rosalie and Alice. Your Mother wanted to call Bella and see what happened, but I talked her out of it. And she also agreed to not hover over you too much today if you told me what has happened." Dad smiles at me and I know he's trying to be gentle.

I take a slow pull off my beer and just decide to start at the beginning. I tell him about Bella deciding to take the job without even talking to me. I tell him about Bella hiding it from me for weeks and not telling me until right before she had to leave. And then I tell him about how she said I had made her feel in the past. And I how, I didn't want to be the one holding her back anymore. That I wanted her to go and live her life and make whatever she can out of it without having to worry about me.

Once it was all out in the open, the purge actually felt good. I look up at my Dad and I'm surprised that he's silent. He takes another drink and then asks, "Did you realize you were saying those things to her?"

"I remember saying some of the things. But, I never meant for her to take it the way she did. I had no idea that it had affected her like that."

"And she didn't tell you that you hurt her when it happened?"

"No. The first I heard of it was a couple of days before she left."

"Why did you decide that you couldn't have a long-distance relationship?"

"At the time, things just felt so wrong. And I couldn't figure out where we went awry. I just didn't want to hang on to someone who was so ready to leave me. I mean she didn't even talk to me about it. She just did it. I realized that as much as I love her, I have to let her go and let her do what she feels she needs to. Does that make any sense?"

Dad nods, "It does and it doesn't. I get that you _think_ you are doing the noble thing by letting Bella go. But, I don't understand how, after all this time, you can just give up."

Up until this moment, I thought our conversation had been going well. But, it's becoming very apparent to me that I don't need or want the criticism from _anyone_.

"What in the hell would you have me do?" I snap, leaning forward, resting an elbow on my knee. "Should I have begged her to stay, only to have her throw _that_ back in my face in a few years that I didn't _let_ her take _this_ opportunity? Should I have gone with her and sacrificed _everything_ that _I_ have worked for all of my life? Should I have held on and tried to drag our already suffering relationship through the trials of being separated by an ocean?"

"I didn't think your relationship was suffering," Dad says quietly.

"Neither did I," I take another drink, "But, Dad, how solid could it have been for her to take this job the way she did? If things were good, she would have talked to me… she would have tried to work things out with me before she said yes… but she didn't."

"Well, Edward, the only thing I'm going to say is that if you still love her, you need to talk to her and try to figure out this mess."

"I hear you, but I'm just not ready to hear her voice," I say finally. I completely drain my bottle of beer and stand. "Do you want another?" I ask raising the empty bottle.

"No thanks," he answers quietly. He takes a large swig off of his and then stands and claps me on the back. "Let's go bug your mother."

Dad follows me back into the kitchen and we find Alice, Rose and Mom talking animatedly while standing around the large, golden granite countertop covered island that sits in the middle of the kitchen. When Alice sees me her eyes go large and she immediately quiets. Rosalie spins and makes eye contact with me she glares for a moment. But, when Dad clears his throat behind me, he gaze shifts to him and her expression immediately softens.

Mom looks up at me and smiles. "Did you boys have a good talk?" she asks and her voice gives way the concern she has been trying to hide.

"Yeah, I think we did," I smile back to her. I glance at my sister and sister-in-law, "Happy Thanksgiving, Alice," I nod at her, "Rose," I nod at her, too.

Rose shakes her head and scoffs something that sounds like "talk" under her breath. She spins on her heel and says something too quiet for me to hear to Mom and goes to stomp out of the room when Dad speaks up, "Rosalie?"

She pauses and you can see her take a deep breath before she turns around. When she turns she has a faux smile plastered on her face, "Yes, Carlisle?"

Dad steps towards Rose and stands directly in front of her and places a hand on her shoulder. "Listen," he begins, "I know you have issues with Edward, but I'm telling you that for today, while you are in _this_ house, you will be polite to _my son_. Am I making myself clear?"

Rose bristles under the weight of his hand. She starts to speak and then sputters. She takes another deep breath and then finally answers quietly, "Yes, Carlisle, you made yourself very clear. I'm sorry for being rude." My Dad steps to the side and Rose looks at me and offers me a brief, "Happy Thanksgiving, Edward," and then turns quickly and leaves the kitchen before I can even say thank you.

My Dad shakes his head at Rose's departure. "Dad, you didn't have to do that. I can handle whatever Rosalie has to say to me."

He shakes his head and comes to stand next to my Mom. "No, I did. I won't put up with anyone being rude to my family, even if it's another member of my family."

Alice speaks up quickly, "Edward, she's just feels she needs to have her girl-friend's back, that's all."

"Come on, Al," I laugh, "Rosalie has never liked me. From the first moment we met and I laughed at her freaking out about her overwhelming need for a pedicure she hasn't liked me. And really, it's fine with me that she doesn't like me. There's not really a whole lot I can do about it. But, as far as taking sides in what's happening with me and Bella..." I pause choosing my words carefully, "No one _really_ knows what happened between us, but _us_."

"I know," Alice agrees. "But, you know how Rose is."

"Yep, I sure do."

Dad gives Mom a kiss on the cheek and goes into the Living Room, turns on the football game and plops down on the oversized leather sectional. He looks up at me and says, "Come watch the game."

Again, I do what I'm told and walk over and take over the chaise end of the sectional and proceed to get comfortable by propping my feet up and pulling a soft, butter-colored, chenille blanket off the back of the couch and covering myself up with it.

The next thing I remember I hear laughing and I'm being nudged. I open my eyes to Emmett's ugly mug way too close to my face. After getting comfortable, I fell asleep and at some point after that Emmett and Jasper came in to watch the game. Emmett sat down next to me and at I must have rolled towards him and rested my head on his shoulder.

Before I can react and get away from my brother, a flash of light startles me and I shoot up and away in complete shock. I look around to see Mom and Alice standing in front of me with cameras, obviously documenting my cuddling with Emmett. Dad and Jasper are bright red and making no effort to hide their laughter. Even Rosalie is having a hard time keeping a straight face. Her hand is over her mouth, covering her smile while her face is flushed and her eyes are filled with tears of laughter.

I look over at Emmett and give him a big cheesy grin, "Hi, Em," I laugh. "I missed you, bro," I tell him. On some level, I had missed my jovial, fun-loving big brother. But, I hadn't missed the one what wanted to order me around and tell how stupid I was for letting Bella go or spent all his time telling how I never called him anymore.

Emmett smiles at me and his face turns a little pink, "Well, shit man, I missed you, too." He busts out laughing and I can't help but laugh along with him.

Suddenly, the atmosphere in the house shifts. It shifts back to how it used to be. There's no pressure and everyone's talking and smiling and just having a good time. Even Rosalie seems to enjoying the moment. Her feet are in Emmett's lap and she's smiling and chatting with Jasper about the game on TV. When she catches me staring at her she gives me a tight smile and then continues on talking with Jazz.

I hear Mom and Alice laughing in the kitchen and decide to go and bug them. I walk over to the fridge and pull out and open another beer and then take a seat at the island to watch Mom and Alice do their "thing" in the kitchen. Ever since Alice was a little girl, she and Mom would spend most of the holidays in the kitchen. Mom taught Alice all the "family secrets" and Alice would challenge Mom with a new recipe every now and again. It was always fun to sit back and watch them work and to see the wonderful bond that they shared.

Mom peaks over at me and smiles, "Dinner will be ready soon."

"Ok," I smile.

She walks over and hops up on the barstool next to me. "You look better than you did when you walked in the door," she says quietly.

"I'm sorry about that. I was just nervous."

"Oh, well, I'm sorry for _that_, but I'm glad it's passed," she smiles a bit, now she's looking nervous.

"Have you talked to Dad, yet?" I ask wondering how far she was really planning on going with this conversation.

"A bit, but I'm not going to press. I can see that this is hard enough on you as it is and you don't need any crap from your _Mom_ about it," she sighs.

"Thanks, Mom," I can't help but smile and lean my head on her petite shoulder.

She puts her arm around me and rubs my back. "I just have one question for you…" he voice trails off.

"Ok, shoot," I tell her.

"Do you still love her?" she asks quietly.

"Yeah, Ma, I do," I sigh and the oven beeps, startling the two of us.

"Then you need to talk to her. Be honest with her, ok?" She pats my back and then kisses the top of my head. Mom stands and eases away. She shuts off the timer and then turns back to me. "Did you hear me?"

I nod, "Yeah, I heard you."

A few minutes pass and we are all sitting at the Dining Room table passing bowls of food around the over-sized, cherry wood table. Dinner continues in a light-hearted fashion. Everyone is smiling and talking while eating. But, every once in a while I catch one of them taking a glance at the empty chair across from me and sighing, or in Rosalie's case scowling. I've tried to ignore the empty seat because every single time I notice it, my chest hurts and it's the hurt I've been successfully avoiding or weeks now. I realize that I've been staring at _her_ chair for too long and I've lost track of the conversation. I glance over at my Mom and catch looking at me while wiping a tear away from her cheek. I'm suddenly not hungry anymore and need a break. I push myself away from the table, whisper, "Excuse me," and get up from the table and carry my plate to the kitchen sink. I turn the hot water as far as it can go and let it heat. When I see the steam rise from the sink I rinse my plate and then set it in the dishwasher.

I pause and contemplate heading back to site with my family. But, when I hear Emmett say Bella's name I know that I'm not ready to be reminiscing about Bella. So, instead, I head out to the back yard, hoping to find a moment to gather my thoughts. I walk out into the open, grassy expanse and decide to head for the trees that cover the back fifteen acres of my parent's twenty acre property. As I make my way out the protective buffer of my parents' home, I feel the cold breeze push against my back. I don't have a jacket. But, I think I will be fine once I make it to the woods. I increase my pace from a walk to a jog and then I find myself sprinting as fast as I can towards the trees.

When I reach the woods, I'm panting, completely out of breath. My throat is burning from the contrast of the cooler air and my warm, labored breathing. I walk further into the trees and am relieved that I am correct. They do offer me some solace from the chilly breeze and for some reason it simply feels warmer than what it had when I was simply standing in the yard. When my parents bought this house a few years ago, Bella and I immediately fell in love with the wooded portion of their property.

Whenever we would visit we would spend hours exploring. Our favorite spot is in the very back, east end of the woods. There is a small clearing that borders the neighboring property and right on the property line is an enormous Oak tree. The tree is so big that it takes mine, Emmett's and my Dad's entire arm-spans to measure the girth of the tree. But, the crazy thing about the tree is that somewhere along in its' incredibly long life it began to grow around the barbwire fence that separates the two properties. So, now the barbwire runs through the middle of the trunk of the tree. Bella and I used to spend hours under that tree reading, talking and sometimes making love.

And that's where I find myself, standing in front of this amazing tree that always meant so much to the two of us. I walk over and for some reason decide to climb up into the tree. I see a thick branch not too far above my head and jump up, grabbing it with both hands. I swing my legs towards the tree trunk and find a foothold where the large trunk splits into three smaller trunks. I easy heft myself up and over to stand up into the split. I notice that the space where the tree has split into different branches almost makes a perfect seat… almost. I sit down and prop my leg to the side and lean back against one of the larger trunks.

I look around the meadow and I all I can think of is her. I wonder what she's doing, who she is with. Does she even miss me? And then I have the overwhelming urge to hear her voice. I rub my hands roughly over my face, wanting to stop feeling. This is why I have avoided my family for so long, because they make me feel. And when I feel all I want in this world is Bella… and she's gone… and it crushes me all over again.

_Ring, ring, ring… ring, ring, ring… ring, ring, ring…_

I look around wondering where in the hell that is coming from.

_Ring, ring, ring… ring, ring, ring… ring, ring, ring…_

And then I realize… my cell-phone is in my back pocket. I pull it out and look down at the screen to see Alice's name in the LCD. I hit ignore. Then my phone beeps telling me that I have a text message.

_Ali: I know you're in the woods… are you ok?_

_E: yeah… I'm fine… I will be back in a bit._

_Ali: Ok… if you need anything txt and I will send Jazz_

_E: k_

_Ring, ring, ring… ring, ring, ring… ring, ring, ring…_

I quickly answer my phone, completely annoyed, "What the hell, Al?" I bark into the phone.

"Umm, it's not Alice," a quiet, but oh, so familiar voice answers.

"Bella?" I ask completely taken by surprise.

"Hi, Edward," she whispers.

"Hi," I whisper back. As good as it is to _finally_ hear her voice, there's a sudden lump in my throat and my heart is beating wildly in my chest and holy hell, I feel like I'm going to wretch all over the fucking place.

"Happy Thanksgiving," she offers.

"Yeah, thanks," I mutter, "you, too."

"Is this a bad time?" she asks, her voice still hushed.

"No, not really," I look around and realize that the timing of her call is impeccable. "You'll never guess where I am," I laugh a bit into my cell.

I can almost hear her sigh into the phone. "I bet your right," she says sounding a bit more comfortable. "Are you still at your parents?"

"Yes…"

"Are you in the house?"

"No…"

"Are you in the woods?"

"Yes…"

"You're in the meadow?" she asks in what can only be called a gasp.

"Sort of," I chuckle, her voice is beginning to relax me.

"Ok, explain," she teases.

"I'm up in the big property-line Oak," I tell her with a smile on my face.

"You're up in a tree?" she asks incredulously.

"Yeah…" I answer wearing a silly grin.

"What possessed you to do that?"

"Umm, I'm not really sure… just seemed like the right thing to do at the time," I laugh. "So, how's work going?"

"Work's good. I hit the ground running and that made my boss happy," she answers lightly.

"That's good, Bella. I knew you'd do great." I swallow that last statement down hard.

"How are you?" Bella asks cautiously.

"I'm ok. I've been better, but _today,_ I'm good."

"Do you have time to talk about a few things?"

"I do. What do you want to talk to about?"

"Us… how we left things… why we haven't talked until now… I just need to know where I stand," she answers slowly, as if she's mulling each statement over before she says it.

"Ok. Well… I…" I'm sputtering trying to find the right place to start.

"Do you still love me?" she whispers into the phone, ripping my slowly mending heart into shreds.

"Of course I do," I whisper back. "But, the better question is do _you_ still love _me_?"

"Yes, Edward, I still love you," she sighs, "very much."

"Then how could you do _this_?" I react sharply.

"It is an amazing job opportunity," she answers flatly.

"I understand taking the job. But, what I don't understand is _why_ you didn't talk to me when you were offered the job. We could have worked through it together… at least _I_ think we could have."

"I… I _am_ sorry for not handling that better. But, this is something that I have to do… for me. And I… well… I said yes to the offer before the conversation was finished with my producer. And then I just couldn't figure out how to broach the subject with you. And after my last job offer when you shot it down with such disdain… I just couldn't handle _your_ rejection… again."

"_My rejection_? I don't remember _ever_ rejecting you," I defend myself.

"I don't want to go into that right now," she groans.

"Alright… fine," I snap at her. "So, what _do_ you want to talk about?"

There's a long pause on the phone and I don't want to be the one who breaks it.

"Edward," she pauses again, "we both are still in love with each other, right?"

"Yes," I sigh quietly.

"Then why don't we try to do this long-distance?"

Now it's my turn to pause. I don't know what to say. I am still, very much in love with Bella and I do still want to be with her. But, we obviously have bigger issues than either of us is willing to admit considering our current situation.

"Bella…" I stall a little longer, "I don't think it's a good idea."

"Why?" she snaps.

I take a deep breath, "I think that we _both_ need this time to figure some things out."

"Like what?" she answers bitterly and I can tell that she's angry with me.

"First of all, how in the hell we got _here_," I snap back. "Secondly, shit… I'm fucking this up already," I grumble.

"No, you're fine… this is a really hard conversation, that's all," she tries to reassure me.

"Bella, listen to me for a minute and try not to interrupt me until I'm done, ok?" I pause, steeling myself for what I need to say to her.

"Ok," she whispers.

"Bella, I love you. I do. No one in this world has _ever_ made me happier than you. But, I don't think you can say the same… at least not right now. Somewhere along the way we've lost something… something important and vital to this relationship. And we both need to take the time to figure out what in the hell _that_ is. I have to let you go, Bella. I have to let you go and wish you well. I want you to enjoy _every_ minute of your time in London. I want you to be able to throw yourself into your job and have no regrets… Do the things that you always wanted to… without me there to hold you back… don't think, just do."

"Bella, you are capable of amazing things and I want you to go for it… I mean really go for… How else are you going to know what you _really_ want? You have to try, right? I guess it comes back to the old adage, 'If you love something, set it free, and if it comes back it's yours. If it doesn't, it was never really yours to begin with'. I'm willing to let you go… because I have faith that, one day, we _will_ make our way back to one another."

When I finish, I'm completely spent. I'm not sure how I managed to say everything I needed to so succinctly, but I did it. I take a deep breath and wait for her reaction. She's quiet longer than what I expected and then I hear what sounds like quiet sobs on the other end of the line.

"Bella?" I ask gently.

"I'm here," she squeaks, and then I hear a quiet sniffle.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah… no… I don't know," she murmurs. "I guess I didn't see this conversation going this way."

"I'm sorry, Love," I try to comfort her through the phone.

"Don't… don't call me that right now."

"Sorry," I tell her, "I didn't mean to…"

"Edward," she sighs, "It's my turn to say a few things, ok?"

"All right," I brace myself, unsure of what she's going to say.

"As much as I don't want to do this, I think you're right. If things were so good then why did I move away? I think you underestimated the weight of your words in my life. You're constant negative comments about my ability to do my job severely undermined my confidence. Not to mention the fact that you practically refused to marry me without any _real_ explanation. And now you say all these beautiful, noble things that make me want to hang on to what we had… but now I realize that it's what we had in the beginning, not what we had before I left.

"You're right. I need to do this. I need to make sure… I need to see what's out here for me. I hope you're right that we will find our way back to one another, because I honestly can't imagine my life without you in it." There's a moment of complete silence before she continues, "I need to go."

"Ok," I answer, but before I can say goodbye, she interrupts.

"I am coming home for Christmas and I would really like to see you. Is that ok?" She asks.

"Sure, that would be fine," I tell her, knowing that it more than likely will be fucking excruciating.

"Alright, and Edward, you can call me if you ever want to talk, ok? We've been friends for ten years and I hope that doesn't change… I know it's going to be hard. But, can we at least try?"

"Yeah, we can try to be friends again," I answer stoically.

"_Again_?" she asks with a hint of disdain in her voice, "Edward _you_ have _always_ been _my_ friend. Why don't you see me as yours?"

"I…" Her statement hits me like a ton of bricks and I don't know what to say.

"Nevermind," she brushes it off, "I'm going to go. I will talk to you soon, ok?"

"Alright," I answer, once again feeling a bit lost.

"Edward," she starts and then stops. "I know I shouldn't say this," she mutters under her breath, "I love you. Take care of yourself, ok?"

"I will and Bella… I love you, too."

We hang up without saying goodbye. And I stay in the tree, feeling lighter, but at the same time heavier. I'm relieved to have some closure with Bella. But, she's raised so many different questions now, that I'm still feeling the pangs of heartbreak in my chest.

I look out into the woods and am surprised to see nothing but pitch black. Somehow, minutes have turned to hours and its night time. I look down at my phone to check the time and it's already 7:12. I put my phone back into my back pocket and climb down from the tree. Once my feet hit the ground, I look around hoping that my eyes will adjust well enough that I can see my way out of the woods. The moon isn't out tonight making it very hard to see the two feet in front of me.

I decide to send Jasper a text.

_E: Hey man… can you meet me out in the woods with some light? I'm on the East side… coming out from the meadow._

_Jazz: sure man… me and Em are on our way._

_E: thanks man._

I use my phone for a little bit of light. It actually works quite well if I just use it to see what's on the ground directly in front of me. It's a good thing that I know these woods well or I'm positive I would be lost. I hear someone yell my name and I yell back. I few seconds later I see beams of light snaking through the trees. I continue walking towards the lights and am over-joyed to see Jasper holding a jacket for me to put on.

"Here, man," Jasper offers me Dad's winter jacket.

"Thanks," I tell him as I put on the jacket and zip it up tight.

"You know you've freaked Mom out pretty good," Emmett says quietly as he hands me a flashlight.

"Shit," I mutter. "I didn't mean to. I got side-tracked."

"Bro, you've been gone for three hours," Emmett is glaring at me now.

"I just lost track of time and then Bella called and by the time I realized it, it was pitch black," I ramble.

"You talked to Bella?" Emmett and Jasper ask simultaneously.

I look back and forth between the two of them and laugh, "Yeah, we talked."

"So…" Emmett sounds way to excited, "Are you guys working it out?"

"Well, probably not the way everyone wants us to. But, I think we are in a good place, now."

"What does that mean, exactly?" Jasper asks.

I inhale deeply and then let it out in a slow, exaggerated manner. "What it means is that Bella and I aren't a couple anymore. It means that, right now, we are trying to be friends."

"Who's idea was that?" Emmett scoffs.

"Mine," I tell them quietly.

"And Bella's alright with that?" Jasper asks.

"Hell, guys, I don't think either of us are alright with this situation. But, things are what they are. Bella's in London for the next two years and she and I need to do what's best for us. I'm sorry if you don't understand that."

Jasper clears his throat, "It's not that we don't understand. It's just that we _all_ want you _both_ to be happy. And I guess, we just always thought two were meant to be is all."

"Maybe we still are," I shrug, hoping that will quiet him for the rest of the walk back to the house.

When we reach the house Mom and Dad are waiting for us by the back door with worried expressions on their faces. "Lose track of time?" Dad asks trying to head my Mom's questions off at the pass.

"Yeah, I'm sorry," I look at both of them ruefully, "I went for a walk and then Bella called and we got to talking and I just wasn't paying attention to anything around me.

My Mom's eyes widen, "Bella called?" she asks trying to mask her excitement.

I nod, knowing that my comment about Bella had the desired effect… keeping my Mom from getting mad at me.

"Is everything ok?" she asks, concerned.

I nod again, "Can I come in and we can talk about it in a little while?" I ask wanting to get out of the coldr air.

The five of us head back into the house, stopping in the kitchen to grab a drink. Emmett looks around, with a confused look on his face, finally asking, "Where are the girls?"

My Mom glances quickly about the room. "I don't know, but I'll go look for them," she mutters and then walks out of the kitchen.

I look over at my Dad and his serious expression makes me nervous. He catches me looking at him and asks, "What?"

"I was about to ask you that exact same question," I scoff.

"It's not really that big of a deal, but you should know that you really freaked your Mom out," he states.

"Oh, well, I will talk to her, ok?"

"Good, because now she's really worried about you," he grumbles. Dad carefully walks behind Jasper, "I'm going to go watch the game," he mumbles as he walks past me. Emmett and Jasper follow while I make myself a glass of water.

I stand at the kitchen sink, gulping down my tall glass of water when I hear Alice yelling, "Rosalie, STOP!" I turn around towards the sound of footsteps quickly padding their way closer to me just in time to catch Rose as she barrels into me.

I grab her by the arms to keep her from hurting me or herself. She scratches my forearm with her fingernails making me yell, "What the hell!" I pull away from her and quickly back away.

Rose looks up at my and her eyes are filled with hate, "How could you do it, Edward?" she screams.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I growl.

"I'm talking about Bella… after all that she's done for you… why couldn't you just do this one fucking thing for her?" She yells at me with venom dripping off every single word.

"Rose, it's none of your business," I growl at her. And then she lunges at me, again. This time I'm faster than she is and I get the hell out of her way before she reaches me.

Before I realize it Emmett is standing in between us. He grabs Rosalie's arms and when she tries to move around him he yells, louder than I have ever heard him yell in my entire life, "FUCKING STOP!" And she does. Rose looks up at Emmett with her eyes as wide as saucers and her mouth gaping open.

"But, he…" she stammers.

"He's my BROTHER, Rose," Emmett yells at her. "She may be your _best friend_, but Edward's _my_ BLOOD. And you need to back the fuck off."

Rose violently pulls herself out of Emmett's grip and sends herself sprawling backward into the counter. Her eyes fill with tears, as she tries to plead with her husband. "He's broken her heart," she shakes her head and then looks back up at Emmett, "How can you be ok with that?"

Emmett steps towards his wife and reaches his enormous hand up to gently cup her face, wiping the tears that are falling down her cheek away with his thumb. "Rosie, he's hurting, too. And this is between the two of them. If you want to make this an issue between you and Edward," Emmett pauses and takes a deep breath, "then you will have an issue with me as well."

Rose shakes her head, "But, Bella's like your sister," she whispers.

"Rosie, baby, Edward IS my brother. And you have to stop treating him like this. He's never done _anything_ to deserve the way you treat him. You need to grow the fuck up and realize you don't have to take a side to show your support and if you can't start doing that then you aren't the woman I think you are." Emmett turns abruptly and faces me. "I'm sorry, bro," he sighs.

"Don't you _dare_ apologize for me," Rose screeches at the top of her lungs.

Emmett's entire body seems to deflate. He walks past me, patting my shoulder, and gives Mom a hug. He lets her go and then turns to Dad, "I've gotta get out of here," he tells him and then turns and walks out of the kitchen towards the front door.

My entire family seems to look over at Rosalie at the exact same time. Her eyes shift around the room, pausing on each of our faces. She's quiet until her gaze meets mine. "This is _ALL_ your fault… if you would have just married her she'd still be here and none of this would be happening," she seethes. She looks as if she's going to say something else and then she abruptly runs out of the room, chasing after Emmett.

* * *

**Big hugs and kisses to everyone who's reading and extra special lovin' to all of you who take the time to review... you ALL make me smile!**

**I have a bit of bad news... Due to my kids being home for family vacation, I will not be updating any of my stories until the week of January 10th... It seems so far away, but it will be here before we know it ;0) It's hard for me to find the time to write when the kiddos are home from school... They have me outnumbered.**

**I hope everyone has a wonderful Holiday and I will see you again in the New Year! **


	5. Chapter 5: Welcome Home

_**I do not own Twilight or it's characters... but I do enjoy playing with them **_

_**a/n: I have to apologize for being away so long, but I'm back now and hope to be updating weekly. Sorry gor the delay and thank you for sticking around *HUGS***_

_**Just a reminder where we left off…**_

_I stand at the kitchen sink, gulping down my tall glass of water when I hear Alice yelling, "Rosalie, STOP!" I turn around towards the sound of footsteps quickly padding their way closer to me just in time to catch Rose as she barrels into me. __I grab her by the arms to keep her from hurting me or herself. __She scratches my forearm with her fingernails making me yell, "What the hell!" I pull away from her and quickly back away. _

_Rose looks up at my and her eyes are filled with hate, "How could you do it, Edward?" she screams._

"_What the hell are you talking about?" I growl._

"_I'm talking about Bella… after all that she's done for you… why couldn't you just do this one fucking thing for her?" She yells at me with venom dripping off every single word. _

"_Rose, it's none of your business," I growl at her. And then she lunges at me, again. This time I'm faster than she is and I get the hell out of her way before she reaches me. _

_Before I realize it Emmett is standing in between us. He grabs Rosalie's arms and when she tries to move around him he yells, louder than I have ever heard him yell in my entire life, "FUCKING STOP!" And she does. Rose looks up at Emmett with her eyes as wide as saucers and her mouth gaping open. _

"_But, he…" she stammers._

"_He's my BROTHER, Rose," Emmett yells at her. "She may be your best friend, but Edward's my BLOOD. And you need to back the fuck off."_

_Rose violently pulls herself out of Emmett's grip and sends herself sprawling backward into the counter. Her eyes fill with tears, as she tries to plead with her husband. "He's broken her heart," she shakes her head and then looks back up at Emmett, "How can you be ok with that?"_

_Emmett steps towards his wife and reaches his enormous hand up to gently cup her face, wiping the tears that are falling down her cheek away with his thumb. "Rosie, he's hurting, too. And this is between the two of them. If you want to make this an issue between you and Edward," Emmett pauses and takes a deep breath, "then you will have an issue with me as well."_

_Rose shakes her head, "But, Bella's like your sister," she whispers._

"_Rosie, baby, Edward IS my brother. And you have to stop treating him like this. He's never done anything to deserve the way you treat him. You need to grow the fuck up and realize you don't have to take a side to show your support and if you can't start doing that then you aren't the woman I think you are." Emmett turns abruptly and faces me. "I'm sorry, bro," he sighs. _

"_Don't you dare apologize for me," Rose screeches at the top of her lungs. _

_Emmett's entire body seems to deflate. He walks past me, patting my shoulder, and gives Mom a hug. He lets her go and then turns to Dad, "I've gotta get out of here," he tells him and then turns and walks out of the kitchen towards the front door. _

_My entire family seems to look over at Rosalie at the exact same time. Her eyes shift around the room, pausing on each of our faces. She's quiet until her gaze meets mine. "This is ALL your fault… if you would have just married her she'd still be here and none of this would be happening," she seethes. She looks as if she's going to say something else and then she abruptly runs out of the room, chasing after Emmett._

Chapter 5 – Welcome Home

After Emmett and Rosalie left my parent's house on Thanksgiving everyone was exhausted and went their separate ways. Alice and Jasper turned in for the night, telling me that they had an early morning of shopping planned for the next day. Mom opened a bottle of red wine and sat quietly next to my Dad on the couch, wine glass in her hand, never taking a sip. Dad asked me if I wanted to stay the night but I decided to make the drive home even though I was emotionally spent and completely exhausted. I just had the overwhelming need to be back in my home where I could drown in my need for Bella without the prying eyes of my family. And I was in no hurry to rehash the craziness that had just occurred with Rosalie.

The ringing of my cell at five-thirty in the morning wakes me. When I look at the LCD I'm surprised to see Bella's name glowing on the screen.

"Hello?" I groan as I stretch my arms out above my head and push my legs out towards the footboard.

"Edward?" Bella asks, her voice sounding rough and a bit upset. "Edward, are you ok?"

"Yeah, Love. I'm fine," I wince at using my pet name for her and shake my head, still trying to find my mind and wake up.

"Ok," she noticeably hesitates, "Do you want me to let you get back to sleep?"

"Umm, no… Bella, why are you calling me so early?" I yawn.

"Shit, I wasn't thinking about the time difference… I think I need to apologize to you," she mumbles and my ears perk up.

"Apologize for what?" I ask innocently. Because I'm sure she's not about to apologize for ripping my heart out my chest and moving half-way across the fucking world, but I certainly am interested in what garners an apology from her these days.

"Well… I was upset after we got off the phone last night and I immediately called Rose and I think I might have gotten her even more upset at you."

"That's a gross understatement," I groan.

"Why? What happened?" She sounds as if she _really_ has no idea.

I sit up in my bed and scrub my face with my free hand. "She attacked me when I made it back into the house," I tell her quietly.

"She did _what_?" Bella gasps.

"Yeah," I chuckle half-heartedly as I look down on the scratch she left on my forearm, "she came straight at me and Emmett ended up getting so pissed off at her that he left."

"Oh, hell," Bella says under her breath. "He didn't leave her there did he?"

"Nah, I'm pretty sure she caught him before he left." There's an awkward silence on the phone that Bella and I seldom have. There are so many questions flying through my mind: why did she call Rose? Why does she talk to Rose when she's upset with me instead of talking to me? Why does she think that it's ok to do this? How long has she been doing this? Doesn't she realize what her going to Rose all the time has done to us, to Emmett and Rose and now, to my family?

I take a deep breath and decide to start simple and ask, "Bells, why did you call Rose last night?"

"Umm… I was upset," she answers so quietly I can barely hear her.

"That's what you said before, and I understand _why_ you were upset. But, why did you have to call _Rose_, of all people, on Thanksgiving knowing we were all together at my parent's house?" I ask quietly, and then add, "You know she already hates me."

"I don't know, it was stupid and I'm really sorry. I… well… I guess I've just gotten so used to going to her about us that it's just… I guess it's just a habit now."

"Bella…," I start then stop. I feel like I have to watch my step in this conversation or she's going to tell me she doesn't want to talk about it anymore. "Why Rose? Why not Alice? Alice is so much more… reasonable…" I trail off, because I suddenly get it… no matter what she might say. I get it. Rose hates me, who better to bash me to? Alice is reasonable, rational and my sister. She might get angry with me every once in a while, but she loves me and would _never_ encourage Bella to do something that might hurt me.

"I talk to both of them," she says matter-of-factly. "They both have different perspectives and I really value what they both have to say. But, Rose gets me when I'm upset and Alice just makes me feel like I'm over-reacting."

"So, you call Rose for what, exactly? Advice? To vent?" I stop, because I realize my voice is raising and beginning to show my anger and I really want to have this conversation.

_We need to have this conversation._

"Mostly to vent," Bella sighs, "I just need someone to tell me that I'm justified in how I feel and Rose does that for me. _**She**__ doesn't dismiss me_."

The last comment stings a bit, because it's meant for me. "And you feel that I dismiss you?" I whisper. It comes out as a question, but it's really a more of a statement. I know it's how she feels and I feel like complete fucking shit because I never, ever meant to make her feel that way and I really had no fucking idea that's what I had been doing.

"Yes," Bella answers quietly as if she's afraid of what my reaction will be.

I'm quiet for a bit, trying to figure out what to say next. There's only one thing that I can think to say, so I say it. "Bella, I'm sorry. I had no idea that you have been feeling this way." She doesn't respond to my apology. "How long?" I ask quietly.

"What?" she asks.

"How long have you been feeling this way?" I say quickly, feeling like I've ripped a band-aid off of my entire brain and it's suddenly scorching hot.

"I don't know, Edward," Bella answers just as quickly, beginning to sound a little defensive.

"Please, Bella," I plead softly, "I need to know. If things are ever going to get better, _we_ have to talk about this."

"I know, I know. It's just hard," her voice trails off. I hear her take a deep breath and then she finally continues, "Do you remember when we went to Lake Tahoe with everyone… I don't know… I think it was three years ago now?"

"Yes, I remember." Jasper, Alice, Emmett, Rosalie, myself, Bella, her friend from work Angela and her fiancé Ben all rented a cabin for New Year's Eve almost three years ago. I rack my brain trying to think of what could have possible happened that became so pivotal.

"Do you remember when you guys were planning on playing poker and us girls were planning on going shopping and then to dinner?"

"Yeah?" I ask, still not quite sure where this is going.

"Do you remember that we got in a fight before I left with the girls?"

"I really can't say that I do," I mumble. I'm trying to rack my brain to remember, but it's just not becoming any clearer.

"Well, let me try to refresh your memory," her voice becomes a little harder, "Everyone was saying goodbye to their significant others and when I came over to give you a kiss and tell _you_ goodbye you turned your face so I had to kiss your cheek. I pulled back and looked at you and asked, 'Baby, what's wrong?' Do you remember what you said to me?"

I gulp, because it's finally making a little more sense. "Yeah," I utter, completely mortified at what a dick I had been to her, "I said something to the effect of 'Don't spend money that's not yours'."

"That's EXACTLY what you said," her voice is hard and I can feel the hurt she still feels coming through the phone.

She doesn't have to say any more because I remember exactly what happened next…

_I'm glaring up at her, because she's about to go spend more money and she already spent too much on stupid shit before we left on vacation. There are tears in her eyes and she quickly wipes them away with her hand. "Edward…" she whispers, "I… I can't believe you said that to me."_

_I look away and see Emmett give me a questioning glance and I shrug. I look back up at her, "Listen, don't get so upset. You're making a bigger deal out of this than what needs to be." I look away again trying to avoid the pain I see in her face. She turns and walks away without saying another word to me._

"Fuck," I mutter under my breath. "Bella, I'm so fucking sorry."

"Well, that's the moment when things changed. That's the moment when I stopped feeling like you were _really _on my side."

I'm speechless. I don't know what to say. I vaguely hear Bella telling me that she needs to get off the phone. I tell her goodbye and lie back on my bed and pull her pillow onto my chest, squeezing it hard, and fighting back tears, I fall back to sleep.

The next two weeks I throw myself back into work. I have two accounts that I need to square away before I can take a break for Christmas. Bella is coming and she asked if she could stay with me. Although, I know it's not the best idea, I can't help but say yes. Just the thought of having her in my arms again makes the dull ache in my chest wane and my cock get hard. And my fucking cock hasn't been hard at all since before she left me.

When I tell my Mom over the phone that Bella is coming home to stay with me for two weeks she about loses her mind.

"Does that mean?" Mom squeals into the phone.

"No, it just means that she wants to stay with me more than she wants to stay with Alice or Emmett," I sigh.

"You still want her back, don't you?" she asks pointedly.

"Yes… but not until after she goes and does whatever it is she needs to do over there."

"God," she growls, "You two are so frustrating."

And I can't help but laugh and agree with her, "Yeah, tell me about it." Mom and I talk for a little while longer and it's all very light and I can tell that she's excited and hopeful for me. It's nice, but at the same time it's still a bit unsettling. I hang up with my Mom knowing it's going to wonderful to have Bella home, but fully aware that I don't know how am I going to be able to cope when she leaves me again. I stuff the negative down and choose to focus on having Bella with me instead.

The Saturday morning before Bella's arrival, Emmett and Rosalie show up on my doorstep. When I answer the door, Emmett immediately says, "We need to talk to you," through what looks to be a forced smile, while Rose is studiously looking at her feet. I step aside, holding the door open for the pair, and mumble, "Ok." Emmett is holding Rose's hand as they enter the house and make their way to the couch in the Living Room. Emmett looks serious and Rose, well, I have never seen Rose look so miserable or uncomfortable.

There is a part of me that feels she deserves whatever has gone down between her and Emmett in the last few weeks after all her meddling and what she's cost me. But, the other part of me, the part that loves my brother, hates to see the woman he loves in so much pain. Because it is very obviously paining him, too.

I stop in the kitchen to grab a bottle of water and decide to pick them both up one, as well. When I walk into the Living Room I catch a quiet exchange between the pair that immediately ceases when they notice me. I set their water on the coffee table in front of them and then plop down in one of the leather armchairs that sit directly across from couch.

I take a swig of my water, waiting in vain for one of them to begin. I look at Rose, then Emmett and then back to Rose… and then I'm finished with this silliness. "Ok guys, what's going on?" I ask quietly.

Rose squeezes Emmett's hand and obviously deciding to go first. "Edward, I need to apologize to you. First, I need to say I'm sorry for attacking you at Thanksgiving. It was stupid and fucking ridiculous and I promise I will _never_ do anything like that again… to you."

I'm legitimately surprised that she is offering what seems to be a very sincere apology. "Thank you, Rose. I appreciate that," I tell her politely.

She smiles slightly at me and then continues, "That's not all." She looks over at Emmett and he gives her an encouraging nod. "I also know that what has been happening with me and Bella over the last few years has been unhealthy, at best. And I'm really _very_ sorry for that as well. I have told Bella that things are going to have to change between her and me and I promise that I will stay out of your relationship, well, at least where it doesn't directly concern me."

"Wow," I accidentally say aloud.

"I know, right," Emmett adds, his face finally relaxing a bit. Rose elbows him gently in the ribs and I laugh, because some things will never change.

"Rose, all I want is for you to encourage Bella to talk to ME when she has a problem with ME," I tell her plainly.

"Ok, I will," she nods.

I lean forward in my chair and rest my elbows on my thighs. "I have one question for you." Rose nods, encouraging me to continue. "Did you encourage her to accept the London job without talking to me about it first?" I can't help but stare at her as I wait for her response. She doesn't say anything, she just nods a yes. "Why?" I hiss feeling like I have been stabbed in the back.

She thinks for a moment for beginning and when she's finally ready she comes and sits directly in front of me on the floor and looks up at me. "I want you to know, that I would not do _that_ ever again," she says quietly. "I know that my relationship with Bella was flawed and caused a lot of issues between the two of you. As for why… well, at the time I thought Bella should take the opportunity and I thought you'd manipulate her into, once again, passing on another chance to further her career."

As I look down at her, listening to what she's saying, I'm having difficulty reconciling who I think I am with who she says I have been. "Rose, was I really _that_ bad?" I ask her, wanting to really know the truth.

"Edward," she shakes her head minutely and I'm not really sure why. "You provided for her and made sure she knew it. You'd want receipts for what she spent her _own _money on. You had to know everywhere she went and if you didn't approve you always had some comment to let her know that you didn't like what she was doing. Hell, any time she bought _anything_ she would always ask us if we thought you'd like it. When you bought this house did you even ask Bella if she liked it? And then when things started going good for at her at work did you _ever_ acknowledge it? Did you ever congratulate her or encourage her when she got a promotion or a job offer? "

I sit back in my chair a bit stunned. "I didn't realize… I thought I had… " I start, but I'm not sure where I am planning to go with my statement. I look at Rose and whisper, "I just wanted to take care of her."

Rose looks up at me and then places a hand on my knee, "Edward, we all know that. But, you really need to talk to Bella about all of this. I just know what I saw and heard and what Bella _told_ me. And _I _really should stay out of this."

Rose stands up and takes her seat next to Emmett. Emmett wraps his arm around Rose's shoulder and kisses her temple. He looks over at me and smiles, "Man, you need to understand how difficult this is for Rose to do. She has had to let go of a lot of crap to be able to even _think_ about coming here today."

"I get that," I nod at my brother. I look at Rose, "Rose, I'm sorry for being such a dick to you over the years. I have to admit that it was fun to set you off and watch you go. And I can't promise that I won't still mess with you, but I can promise that I won't _try_ to piss you off anymore."

"Gee, thanks, Edward," she rolls her eyes and then laughs at me.

"You're welcome," I laugh with her. "But, seriously, I want you to know that I'm _really_ trying to figure things out with Bella. She and I are talking more and talking about the things that have gotten us where we are. I _do_ want things to be better…" I trail off and scrub my unshaven face with my hands, knowing that I'm assuming Bella and I are going to get through this.

Emmett is watching me carefully, gauging my feelings. "Man, you guys just need to talk. Be honest with one another and figure out if you can work out a compromise," he tells me quietly.

I nod. "Yeah, I know what we need to do, but sometimes it's just hard to make that happen."

"Well, she's staying here for two weeks, right?" Emmett asks sounding hopeful, just like our Mom had been on the phone.

"Yes, she is," I sigh. I know what he's thinking. He thinks this is a good "sign". That it automatically means that Bella and I will be getting back together.

"And that's a good thing, right?" Rosalie asks.

"It is…" I pacify them.

"Then why are you so hesitant?" Emmett asks while eyeing me like a hawk.

"Because at the end of two weeks she goes back to her life in London and, well, I have to stay here and live without her," I groan.

"You don't _have_ to," Emmett challenges me.

"See Em, that's where you're wrong." I make and keep his gaze. "You see," I look over at Rose, "I _have_ to _let_ her do this. She needs to take this opportunity and see what comes of it. She owes it to herself and to her career." I shake my head and smile at the pair across from me, "What nobody seems to understand is that if Bella doesn't do this on her own and figure some things out for herself… our relationship won't survive. There will be too much doubt, too many misunderstandings… too much shit will get in the way."

Rose smiles slightly and then takes Emmett's hand. "I get it," she says quietly. Emmett looks up at her with a questioning raised eyebrow. "Baby, these two need to realize that the grass is NOT greener on the other side. And they need to work through the mistakes they have made if they are going to be able to make it work."

Emmett nods, but I can tell by his bewildered expression that he's lost, "Man, just do what you need to do, ok?"

"I am," I sigh.

The three of us end up meeting Jasper and Alice for lunch at the Local Diner. For the first time in years, I have a nice, drama-free day with my siblings and their spouses. When Rose and I joke around about getting pedicures together, Alice spits her drink out across the table at Emmett; sending the rest of us into a boisterous fit of laughter. When we're finished we all head our separate ways, but not after agreeing to get together for dinner with me and Bella on Wednesday night.

I spend all day Sunday cleaning the house. Not that it was really messy or anything, but I want things to look really nice for Bella. I even venture to the grocery store to pick up a few of Bella's favorites that she made a point of telling me that she was really missing while in London. Bella calls me at seven that evening reminding me of the details of her flight. The conversation is brief, but intense with both of us admitting that we couldn't wait to see one another the next day.

At first light on Monday morning, I nervously get out bed and remake it with fresh linens. I look up at the clock at see that it's just after seven. Bella's flight is due to arrive at noon and I can barely contain myself. I have to leave the house by 10:30 to have ample time to get to the airport. I need to get in the shower by 9:00 so I don't have to rush to get ready to go. I realize that I have a couple of hours to eat breakfast and make sure everything is squared away for my girl.

The next few hours go by in a blur. I shower, dress, shave and then straighten the bathroom. When I make my way to the kitchen, I'm too nervous to eat, but manage to down a too hot cup of coffee, burning my tongue in the process. I clean up after myself and check the time: it's only 9:30 and I need to get the hell out of here before I go crazy.

I stop by a small flower shop, hoping to find something unique to give to Bella. I'm greeted by a little gray-haired, lady who smiles up at me and immediately introduces herself with a wink, "I'm Gladiola. How can I help you today, handsome?"

"Well," I smile back at her with my most charming, crooked grin, "I'm heading to the airport to pick up…" I hesitate because Bells isn't really my girl-friend and she's not my fiancée, but she's definitely a whole lot more than a friend, "… someone who's very special to me."

"Ok," she quirks her eyebrow at me, "do you want something with meaning behind it or just something pretty to look at?"

"I don't know," I grin and then shrug, completely unsure, "I want something that tells her that I love her and I'm happy that she's home."

She laughs and I get the distinct impression that she is laughing _at_ me and not _with_ me. "The fact that you are picking her up with bouquet of flowers will speak volumes. Are there any colors that she loves?"

I'm stumped… I know I should know this. This should be an easy question and I'm really frustrated with myself that I don't know the answer to what the fuck is her favorite color! I shrug, "She's an artist… I think she would like something… I don't know… pretty?"

Gladiola turns on me quickly and stares me down with a frustrated look. Her eyebrows are pinched together and she looks as if she wants to smack me upside my head. "How long have you known this young lady?" she asks as she throws her hands up on her hips.

I turn red with embarrassment and scratch the back of my head. "Eight years…" I eke out feeling like a complete ass for not knowing something so basic.

"And you don't know her _favorite_ color OR her _favorite_ flower?" She's glaring at me now. "Do you even know her middle name?" she asks in a sarcastic, biting tone.

"Yeah," I answer sheepishly, "her middle name _Marie_."

"Well, son, at least you're here, now," she laughs. "And let me give you a piece of advice…" I look down at her expectantly, "… you need to start getting to know her, because if you don't take the time…" she looks me dead in the eyes, "someone else will." I can't help but take a deep breath, because that is the last thing that I want to happen. Gladiola is shuffling around behind the counter when she turns back to me, "You say she's an artist?"

"Yes, ma'am, she loves to paint. But, she works on a Television show in London," I nod enthusiastically, relieved that I at least know that much about Bella.

"Ok, well, I have an idea… give me a few minutes while I put it together." Before I can say anything she turns away and walks into the back of the store leaving me to roam about the shop. Gladiolas shop is pretty small. There are a few flower arrangements in the window and some different displays set about the room. A large, glass front, two-door refrigerator sits against the wall across from the door. In it are several more arrangements and a few, black five-gallon buckets with flowers sitting in them. I find a white three-ring binder sitting on the counter filled with pictures of different bouquets and flower arrangements.

I flip half-way through the book when I hear Gladiola ask, "See anything in there that you like?" I look up at her to find her smiling at me while holding a small, but colorful bouquet of roses. She hands me the bouquet and instantly the sweet smell of roses fills my senses. "I made it smaller hand-held bouquet because your heading to the airport and it will be easier to handle, but I think the colors make a nice impact."

I look down at the bouquet in my hand and nod. I quickly count fourteen roses in the bouquet. In the center there are six roses: two larger peach, three smaller blush pink, and a medium sized orange-yellow. The outer roses are more intense in color: On the bottom left there is a brighter pink and a very large tomato red rose. The blush roses in the middle separate the darker roses on the top portion of the bouquet. A smaller red rose begins the cluster at the top. Next to it sits a dark red, almost black, velvety rose, it's a stark contrast to the blush roses below it and the bright pink one on its' other side. But, what's even more dramatic are the two deep red roses that look as if white paint has been drizzled over them creating an almost striated effect. There's one more very large red rose that matches the one at the bottom. But, my eyes are immediately drawn back to the dramatic red and white pair of roses. I have never seen anything like them before.

"Wow," I whisper aloud and reach for my wallet.

"I'm glad you like them," she smiles while she rings me up. "When you get home just put the wrapped stems in water and they should be fine."

I don't hear her when she tells me total. I just smile at her and hand her a hundred dollar bill and tell her, "Thank you, keep the change."

When I pull away from the flower shop I glance at the clock and sigh. It's just a little after 10:00 and I have two hours until Bella's arrival. I decide to head on to the airport, knowing there are plenty of things there to keep me preoccupied while I wait.

I swear I make it to the airport in record time. If I had been running late I'm sure there would have been traffic that would have made me even later. But, _this_ morning there doesn't seem to be anyone around. Even as I walk through the airport, it seems barren.

When I check my watch it's only 10:45. I walk over to the bookstore that sits near the waiting area and walk around looking for something to read. I settle on a _CPU_ magazine and then head across the way to _Starbucks_ for another cup of coffee. By the time I have made my purchases I find a plush chair that faces the Concourse exit that Bella should be coming out of. I try to focus on the article on pc memory that had initially interested me, but the finer details seem to be getting lost somewhere.

I sip my coffee and check my watch… 11:15.

I flip through the pages of my magazine and check my watch… 11:27.

I check my phone for messages and try, unsuccessfully to browse the internet and check the time… 11:41.

I stand up and stretch and check my watch… 11:45.

I walk around to check the monitor to make sure her arrival time has not changed… it hasn't. Her plane is still on-time and due at 12:00… I check my watch again… 11:51.

I throw away my coffee and then walk in to a gift shop and look at of the silly baubles and trinkets. I come across personalized key chains and am a bit surprised to see Bella's name among them. I pick it up and head to the counter where I buy myself a two dollar bottle of water and the key chain. I check my watch… 11:57.

I smile as I back out to wait for her. There seems to be more people now and I have to shift around a few of them to get a better view. When I find that doesn't work I make a b-line to get as close to the entrance as I possibly can. Suddenly I miss the days where we were allowed to walk all the way down to the gate and watch the plane pull in the tarmac. I check my watch… 12:01.

I see people begin to mill around and check my watch… 12:03.

Fuck! I'm just antagonizing myself now. I've never been a patient man and, holy hell, this waiting is fucking killing me. I go to check my watch again and I hear a voice over the loudspeaker announcing the arrival of Bella's plane. My heart begins beating erratically and my throat is dry. I take a big gulp of my water and then I suddenly begin to feel light-headed. Realizing that I'm holding my breath, I take a deep breath and then exhale, trying to relax.

People are beginning to make their way down the long hallway. I search their faces looking for her big brown eyes and see nothing but strangers. I begin to shift back and forth, unable to find a comfortable position. A family of four walks towards me: The dad is holding a little boys hand, while the mom is pushing a baby girl in a stroller. The woman has long brown hair, instantly reminding me of Bella. She catches me staring and I offer her a timid, embarrassed smile. She politely smiles back and heads on her way.

When my attention returns to the other people heading my way… I see her…

Her hair seems to be a bit longer. She's wearing it down and loose about her shoulders. It's long and wavy and shiny and I can't wait to get my hands in it. My hand itches and I rub my palm against my jeans. She's wearing a tight pair of blue jeans, a fitted brown blazer that comes to the top of her hips, a beautiful jewel-toned crocheted scarf is wrapped around her neck, hiding one my favorite features, and a pair of worn brown leather riding boots. She is definitely a sight for my sore eyes.

I'm looking into her eyes, waiting for her to see me. She glances around and bites down nervously on her bottom lip. I can't stand it any longer and call out to her, "Bella!" Her face lights up at the sound of my voice. She looks over at me and smiles a breath-taking ear-to-ear smile.

I set her flowers and my water down on a nearby table and then quickly move towards her, but she's faster. All I can hear is my heart thundering in my chest and all I see is her flying towards me.

Bella crashes into me, throwing her arms around my neck and kissing me firmly on the lips. I immediately wrap my arms around her slight form and hold her tightly against me. The sensation of her lips on mine makes me groan aloud. She giggles at my reaction and pulls back a bit.

She is breath-taking.

Her hair is wild, cheeks are flushed and smiling the happiest smile I've seen her smile in a really long time.

"Hi," she whispers.

"Hi," I whisper back.

She gives me a quick peck on the lips and then moves her legs a bit, squirming in my arms. "You can let me down, now," she laughs.

"What if I don't want to?" I tease and then lean back in and kiss her sweet lips.

She shrugs, "Well, then, I guess we are going to be here for a while," she smiles up at me.

I can't help but smile. And then I do something completely out of character for me… it's silly and juvenile, but I'm just so happy that I can't contain my joy… I begin to spin us around in circles. It starts slow, but when Bella squeals, I can't help but go faster. She's giggling and begging me to stop. But, I don't immediately. It's not until I feel like I might fall over that I finally slow us down and then set her back onto her feet directly in front of me.

Her hands fall to my chest, while I keep mine at her waist, trying to steady the both of us. We both are reeling and holding on to one another until our brains stop spinning and catch up with our bodies. She's still smiling at me and I can't help but smile back at her. "God, I've missed you," I say under my breath as I lean down and kiss her again. I linger for a moment, kissing her top lip and then nibbling at her plump bottom lip. When I hear someone clear their throat I immediately remember where we are.

I pull away sheepishly and smile down at her. "I have something for you," I whisper and then look around for the table where I set her flowers down. I spot them a few feet away and take her hand and lead them towards the table. I pick them up and hold them out for her. I'm a bit nervous that she won't like them because the arrangement is a bit different. But, when her face lights up and tears come to her eyes, all of my anxiety fades away.

"Oh, Edward," she gasps, "they are absolutely beautiful." She reaches out and takes the bouquet from my hand and then I see something that, literally, makes my heart stop beating in my chest. Tears are streaming down her face as she pulls the bouquet up to her nose… I don't mean one single stray tear. I mean she's biting her lip so hard that it's turning white while trying not to break down sobbing right here in front of me at the airport.

I reach forward and take hold of her arm, pulling her to me. I wrap an arm around her waist and her head immediately comes to my chest. "Bella, look at me, please," I murmur into her hair.

I hear her sniffle lightly and then she raises her face to meet mine. I reach up with my free hand and use my thumb to gently wipe away the stray tears that are staining her beautiful face. "What's wrong?" I beg quietly.

"Nothing," she smiles.

"Then why the tears, Love?" I ask concerned if something I have done has inadvertently hurt her.

She steps back and then takes my hand into hers. She looks down at her roses and then back up to me and then squeezes my hand. "To be honest, I wasn't sure what to expect… and you… and the flowers… it's all… it's so much _more_ than I expected."

I smile down at her stumped at what to say. "I wanted to show you how happy I am to have you home."

Bella just smiles and nods at me.

Hand in hand, we eventually make our way to the baggage claim and pick up her large suitcase and then head out to my car. When we finally get on the road, I hear Bella's stomach rumble making us both laugh. "Do you want to grab a bite on the way home?" I ask her.

"Yes!" she answers excitedly. She reaches over and grabs my arm and then asks with wide, excited eyes, "Can we go to Migo's Deli? I've been dying for one of their meatball subs."

I can't help but smile in return, "Of course." Her hand settles back in her lap and I have to fight the urge to reach over and take it into mine. "Do you have anything you would like to do while your home?" I ask trying to get a better feel for where her mind is at.

"Well," she laughs, "I really need to get my Christmas shopping done and I figure Alice and Rose can help me with most of that. Are you done with your shopping?"

"Umm, no," I laugh, "I haven't even started. Maybe we could do a little shopping together?" I'm not sure what she's going to say. I laugh, "And maybe you can help me pick out some things for the girls. It's been a while since I've had to shop for them."

Bella abruptly turns towards me, "Yeah, we can do that." She's quiet for a minute, "Do you remember the last time we went Christmas shopping together?"

"Didn't we go together _last_ year?" I ask stupidly.

"Edward, shopping on-line on 'Black Friday' does not count." She shakes her head slightly. "The last time you and I _left the house_ and went shopping it was Christmas Eve, I think five years ago. Yeah… it was five years ago. Remember we went to the mall and we still had to shop for _everyone_." She laughs quietly to herself for a moment.

"Ok, now I remember," I groan. "I remember that little old lady that wanted to fight me for the last cashmere sweater for my Mom."

Bella begins to giggle, "Didn't she actually kick you in the shin and call you a 'bastard' when you would let her have it?"

"Yeah," I chuckle, "and then it seemed like she showed up at every single store we went to after that."

"That's right!" Bella exclaims. "She was even in Victoria Secret," Bella laughs as she sets her hand on my thigh. I instantly take the opportunity to take her hand into mine, but keeping her hand on my thigh as well. She gives me a small smile and then asks, "Are there any other plans I should know about?"

"Umm," I think for a second, "yeah, Wednesday we are going out with Alice and Jazz and Emmett and Rose. Then Saturday we have Christmas at my parent's house. They did say we could spend the night Christmas Eve if we want to, but I thought I would leave that up to you."

"I think I would like that," she whispers. "I've really missed your Mom." She looks out the window to her right and I see her wipe her face with her hand and I assume that she is trying not to cry.

"Bella," I say her name trying to get her attention.

"Hmm?" she answers, but doesn't look my way.

"You know you can call Mom whenever you want. She would love to hear from you while you're gone." I give her hand a gentle squeeze.

She glances over at me and then looks out straight ahead of us and then asks quietly, "Even with everything that has gone on she _still_ wants to talk to me?"

I laugh louder than I intend to and Bella looks over at me. "Bella, I think my Mom loves you more than she loves me."

"Edward, you know that's not true," she rolls her eyes.

"My point is," I clear my throat, "no matter what happens between you and me, you will _always_ be a part of my family. My parents AND my siblings have adopted you and unfortunately for you, my Love, you are stuck with the lot of us."

"Thanks, Baby," she says under her breath. I immediately swallow hard when she uses her pet name for me. She used to call me that all of the time, but over the last year I've seldom heard it.

We are quiet the rest of the drive to the deli. When we get inside she stands in front of me and places her order. When the woman behind the counter asks if this is together or separate, Bella says, "separate," at the exact same time I say, "together." Bella looks back at me and smiles, "I will pay for mine, ok?" My throat constricts so I nod, letting her have her way, even though I can't stand the idea. It's a subtle reminder of the reality of our relationship. She pays for her food, as I place my order, and then makes her way to what used to be _our_ booth.

When I join her, she is sipping on the straw of her soda waiting for me to sit before she starts eating. I sit down across from her and take a deep breath. I know we should talk about what just happened. We have to learn to talk about all the stupid shit that bothers us and I know, for a fact, that things like that are going to add up and eventually piss me the fuck off.

"Can I ask you something?" I begin.

She quits gnawing on her straw and happily chirps, "Sure, what's up?"

"Why wouldn't you let me buy you lunch?" I blurt.

"Well… I dunno… I can afford to buy my own and I don't want you to think that you _have_ to buy me anything," she shrugs.

I hesitate for a moments and then ask, "Is this how it's going to be whenever we go out, now?" She blushes and then smiles at me and then shakes her head. "What?" I ask defensively.

She keeps smiling and then answers, "Listen, I knew that coming to stay with you was going to be difficult for both of us. Technically, we aren't _together_, but there was no one else that I wanted to spend my vacation with." She reaches over and grabs my hand, "And because we aren't _together_ I need to pay my way. But, if you want to take me on a date, then you can certainly pay my way," she winks at me, pats my hand and then pulls away looking smug and very pleased with herself.

I smile and give Bella her favorite crooked grin. "So, if I want to pay your way I have to take you on a _date_?"

"Yep," she answers and the takes a bit of her over-stuffed meatball sub, making red marinara sauce leak out the side onto her cheek.

"Okay…" I smile at how cute she's being and how easy this conversation seems to be coming, "so, what makes a _date_ a _date_?"

Bella chews her mouthful of food and then takes another drink of her soda. She shrugs, "You have to ask me, _before_ we go out," she answers off-handedly.

I want to make sure there aren't any other rules, so I ask, "Is that it?"

"Yeah, I think that's it," she nods and then takes another bite of her sub.

"Ok," I smile at her, "Wednesday night, I'm getting together with my brother and sister and I was wondering if you would be interested in being my date?"

She laughs and almost spits her mouthful of food out on the table. Once she manages to swallow it down she finally answers, "Sure… that would be fun." I shake my head at her and the next few minutes are filled with the quiet sounds of us eating our sandwiches. "Hey," Bella breaks the silence making me look up at her, "Do you think we could invite Angela and Ben out with us on Wednesday? I haven't seen them in forever."

"Sure," I nod, "it will be nice to see them."

"Ok, I need to remember to ask her when I call her today," Bella tells herself out loud and then pulls her Blackberry out of her purse and begins typing something into it. "See, I have a list," she's smiling at me as she holds the phone out for me to see.

"I see that," I laugh at Bella's silliness. I glance down at her food and see her sandwich is more than half gone and then ask, "You about ready to get out of here?"

"I think so," she answers glancing around the table. "Do you have any Dr. Pepper at the house?" she asks, her brows lifted in hope.

I give her a knowing smirk, "What do you think?"

"So, that would be a yes?" she asks a bright smile gracing her lips and I just nod my head. Dr. Pepper is Bella's most favorite drink in the whole wide world. There's no way I wouldn't have some at the house for her.

When we get to the house I carry Bella's suitcase inside and then I'm not sure where to take it, realizing that she and I need to have yet another conversation.

"Hey, Bella?" I ask as I glance around the room, not knowing where she's run off to.

"Yeah?" she yells back from down the hall.

"Where are you?"

"I had to pee," she answers as she makes her way towards me. She stops in front of me and then asks, "What's up?"

She's standing there in front of me and she looks so fucking cute. Her hair is still down, but she's taken off her scarf and unbuttoned the front of her jacket, revealing a white, V-neck shirt that looks soft and almost silky. Her head is cocked to the side and her hands are on her hips.

I lick my lips, fighting back the urge to kiss her and then quickly blurt out, "What's the sleeping arrangement going to be?"

Her eyes are on my lips and then I see the pink tip of her tongue peek out between her lips for just a second and then she answers, "Wha… What do you want them to be?" Her voice is hushed and slightly husky.

"God, Bella," I groan, feeling my jeans begin to tighten. "You know I want you in my bed," I tell her honestly, "But, I want you to do whatever is going to make you comfortable while you are here."

Bella closes the small gap between us and reaches forward and grabs the waist of my jeans at the fly and tugs me towards her. She bites her bottom lip and looks up at me through her thick lashes and then whispers, "I want to be with you."

"Ok," I whisper and then I can't take it any longer. I drop her suitcase and lean down and kiss her.

_**a/n: yeah... I did have to the chapter there... I promise that the next chapter will more than make up for it ;0)**_

_**Thanks again for sticking with me... now drop me a review and tell me what a pain in the ass I am!**_

_**jen**_


	6. Chapter 6: Home For the Holidays

**_a/n: Hey guys! Sorry it's been over two weeks since my last update... but I think I am going to have to stick with updateing every two weeks from here on out. _**

**_This chapter was supposed to encompass Bella's two-week visit home, but there is just too much to put into it and you probably wouldn't be reading it for a couple more weeks. _**

**_So... here we go..._**

_Bella closes the small gap between us and reaches forward and grabs the waist of my jeans at the fly and tugs me towards her. She bites her bottom lip and looks up at me through her thick lashes and then whispers, "I want to be with you."_

"_Ok," I whisper and then I can't take it any longer. I drop her suitcase and lean down and kiss her._

Chapter 6 – Home for the Holidays

_**Monday**_

I start with a gentle kiss on her lips, lingering there as I slide her jacket back off her shoulders and down her arms. Once her arms are free she winds them around my neck and kisses me hard, pinning my bottom lip against her lips and my teeth. I groan out loud, because it hurts like hell, but it feels so fucking good at the exact same time.

My hands make their way down her back until I am arched over her grabbing her ass with both hands. She groans in return and I can't help but smile. "God, I've missed you so much," I sigh against her lips.

Bella pulls back, forcing my hands to come to her hips. She takes one of my hands and pulls me towards the couch as she looks over her shoulder at me with a smile on her face, "I've missed you, too."

I willingly follow her to the couch wondering what she has in store for me. She turns to face me and then makes quick work of my jeans. Unzipping them with a quick turn of her hand and then pushing both my jeans and my boxers down past my hips onto my thighs. Bella steps forward and wraps one hand around my bare waist while the other grips my growing erection with purpose. "Fuck," I groan as her small hand begins to work me over. I don't remember the last time Bella has ever been so aggressive with me and it's making me harder than I ever thought possible.

I run both of my hands up her arms to her shoulders before finally burying them in her hair, pulling her face towards mine and so I could begin kissing her all over again. Bella allows me to kiss her for a brief moment while she strokes me and then abruptly pulls away. My eyes snap open to see Bella's face lit up with a wicked grin that I can't help but match. She steps to the side of me while still holding my cock in her hand. She is forcing me to turn along with her until we have made a complete one hundred and eighty degree turn and my back is now to the couch.

Bella moves her hand from my waist to my shoulder and then orders me to "Sit," as she shoves my shoulder backwards. I have misjudged just how close the back of my legs are to the couch and her little shove, along with the fact that my jeans and underwear are sitting at the middle of my thighs, sends me sprawling back and I land with a pathetic plop onto the couch. I scowl and Bella giggles.

I look up at her and feel a little embarrassed until I see the expression on Bella's face. Yeah, she's definitely pleased with the predicament she has me in, but she's not laughing at me… she's just having fun. I suddenly have to tell myself to lighten the fuck up and go with wherever Bella may be taking me. I smirk up at her and ask, "Alright, so now that you have me here what exactly are you going to do with me?"

Bella's grin widens before she answers, "Well, Edward," she purrs, "I think we both need to lose some clothes."

My reply is to lean forward and pull my long-sleeved Henley over my head and throw it towards the end of the couch. My gaze quickly returns to Bella and I find her quirking an eyebrow at me. "Eager much?" she asks and I nod a yes and then reach out to grab her waist, hoping to pull her closer to me. Her hands quickly come to my wrists as she stills my hands. "Patience," she smiles knowing damn well how impatient I can be. She's being such a tease and I love it so fucking much that my dick is begins to throb. I drop my hands to my knees and then Bella quickly throws off her jacket and then toes off her boots, eventually kicking them off in the general direction she threw her jacket. When her hands come to the fly of her skin tight blue jeans I can't help but groan and then I find myself fisting my cock because the throbbing anticipation is becoming too much.

Bella's gaze drops to my lap and her lips part slightly. She lets out a long, slow breath and then she begins to slowly shimmy her hips side to side as she slinks her way out of her jeans. And with each little shift of her hips I stroke myself a bit harder. As she bends down to completely free her legs from her jeans her face hovers just above my erection. She's so close that I can feel her warm breath on my hand, thighs and stomach. There's an instant when I consider palming the back of her head and making her bridge the small gap between her mouth and my cock, but Bella beats me to it and I gasp in surprise when I feel her hot mouth surround the head of my aching cock. She teases me with her tongue and then pulls back to look at me with a smirk on her lips.

"God, Bella," I groan, needing so much more than what she has just given me.

"What's a matter?" she asks, with a cocky grin spread across her face. She puts her hands on my knees and squeezes. "We need to lose these," she adds nodding down towards my legs.

"Ok," I tell her and then she helps me shift my jeans and boxers down my legs and on to the floor. Once I'm completely naked I realize that Bella has taken a step back. As I look up from her knees, I realize that the only Bella has on is her white shirt and bra. And she's bare. "Fuck," I groan when I see that her pussy is completely naked. My hands rise up on their own volition and grab her hips. I pull her to me and cup her naked flesh with my hand, "When did you start doing this?" I ask and then slowly dip a finger between her soft lips.

Bella lets out a soft sigh as I begin to caress her. "Mmmm," she hums, "I did it a few days ago." Her hips are beginning to shift against my hand, seeking more friction. I keep my touch light and teasing while I keep my gaze on Bella's face: Her eyes are closed with her forehead slightly furrowed with what looks to be the beginnings of frustration, her lips are slightly parted and every so often her tongue peeks out from between her lips.

I can't take it anymore and quickly grab her naked hips and pull her to me. She gets the idea and places her knees on either side of legs. Bella takes charge again aligning my pulsating erection with her hot core. I groan and force myself not to thrust up into her as she takes her time slowly impaling herself inch by inch on my rigid cock. When Bella has taken me completely inside of her she leans forward and kisses me gently and then slowly deepens the kiss. When her tongue enters my mouth she begins moving her hips, grinding herself against me. "Belllla," I groan into her mouth as I begin to move my hips, countering her motion. It already feels too intense and I know I need to focus on something other than her hot, tight pussy working me. My hands snake under her shirt, making sure to graze her sides where she's ticklish, and then go straight to her silk covered tits. I can feel that her nipples are hard through the silk and pinch each with a slight, teasing pressure knowing damn well she will want more than that. Bella grunts when I let go of her and I can't help but smile when I see her looking a bit frustrated. "What's the matter?" I tease her as I pull her shirt up and over her head, baring her flesh-toned silk bra. I don't wait for an answer as I lean in and take a nipple between my teeth and nip lightly. The only answer I get is Bella pushing her chest harder against my mouth. I push the bra up, over her chest and continue teasing her nipples: working her with both my mouth and my hand. As I increase my tugging and pinching and sucking, Bella's breathing becomes a disjointed mélange of pants, groans, and gasps. Her hips are moving wildly and I know, without a doubt, she's going to cum. And when she finally cries out, "Edwaaaaard," I know I can let go and enjoy every spasm her pussy offers me. We both cum hard and are panting when Bella stops moving her hips and collapses against my chest.

I wrap my arms around her and revel in the feeling of her warm body pressed against mine. "That was amazing," I murmur into her hair.

"Yeah," she sighs, "It always has been.

We stay wrapped around each, enjoying our quiet moment, until Bella begins shifting her legs around. "You need to get up?" I ask knowing that her knees might be tired from being bent in the same position for too long.

"I'm okay," she smiles and then gives me a gentle, but lingering kiss, "But, I think I need to get up now."

"Okay," I smile back at her as she slowly eases her way up and off my lap.

I watch Bella slip off the couch and readjust her bra while leaning down to grab my boxers off the floor. She balances on one foot while she slides my shorts up her thin legs. She glances over her shoulder and catches me staring. She smiles coyly and then tucks a wayward strand of hair behind her ear, "What?" she squeaks her nervous voice cracking a bit.

I smile back at her, "You, only you."

Bella turns completely around to face me. Spots her shirt on the floor and snatches it up, "You're a nut," she laughs as she pulls her shirt over her head. She pulls her hair out of the collar of the tee and ties it up in a sloppy bun on the back of her head. "Is there anything planned for tonight?" she asks as she heads towards the kitchen.

"No," I tell her a bit louder than I had planned as I begin looking for something to throw on so I can join her in the kitchen. When it dawns on me that she has my boxers, I decide to go retrieve them. As I round the corner into the kitchen I find Bella leaning back against the counter guzzling down a large glass of water with her eyes closed. I quietly creep closer to her, being careful not to make a sound, until I am standing directly in front of her. She opens her eyes as she takes the last bit of water into her mouth and lets out a startled shriek, dropping the glass into my waiting hands.

"What the fuck," she sputters as she tries to regain her composure. I can't help but laugh and she smacks me in the arm, "What has gotten into you?" she teases.

"I don't know," I shrug, fighting back laughter. I lean down and kiss her jaw. "I need my boxers," I growl into her ear and she squeals and runs out of the room towards my bedroom. I take her glass and fill it with water and then guzzle it down. When I'm finished I set the glass on the counter and quickly give chase, running after her.

When I make it to the bedroom I hear the water running in my bathroom and quickly choose to follow her lead and join her in the shower.

When I open the shower door I find Bella already standing under the steaming water with her back towards me. With each step I take towards her my cock grows harder and harder. She tips her head up and lets the water beat down on her face. I quickly take the opportunity to wrap my arms around Bella's waist and mold myself around her beautiful body. I bite down lightly on her neck causing her to gasp quietly and press herself further back into me. She tips her face towards mine and I instantly kiss her lips while snaking my hand down between her legs. At first I just cup her bare pussy with my hand, but then I slide a finger in between her hot, swollen lips only to find her wet and wanting. Her hips shift as she moves herself against my teasing fingers. I rub her clit and tease her entrance, pushing just inside and then easing out, refusing to give her the penetration she seems to be angling for.

"Edward, please," she pants against my lips. And I can't help but love how much she seems to want me, again.

"Ok, Love," I tell her and then change the pace of things a bit. I turn us so that we are facing the tile wall and push Bella up against it, pressing her breasts against the cool tile wall. Bella groans at the contrast in temperature and shifts her hips back and out offering herself to me. I run my hands from her shoulders down her back to her waist and letting them to come to rest high on her round ass. She pushes herself back into my erection and I grind against her in reaction. I pull back slightly allowing enough room between us for my hands to work their way to the cleft between her two perfect cheeks. I grab her ass roughly spreading her wide, while pushing her back into the cool tile and when Bella lets out a low appreciate moan, I know we are on the same page. This isn't going to be a mutually sweet reunion like earlier. This is going to be me demanding what I want and Bella giving me what I need in return. Because no matter how badly Bella wants to be independent there is a side of her that likes me to dominate… a side that likes it when I take charge and make her cum… or not.

I abruptly let go of her ass and then grab her by the hips, pulling her ass out further towards me as I take a step back. She stumbles a bit, but with me holding on to her hips, she quickly recovers and spreads her legs wide, opening herself further to me. As much as I want to plunge myself deep inside of her, instead I take a step back to appreciate the view spread out before me.

Damn, she's beautiful.

Bella sways her hips slightly and I can't wait any longer. I grip her hips tightly and push myself into her tight, hot body. Bella groans loudly and begins to pivot her hips to counter me as I move. She's creating an angle that feels incredible and I can't help but slam back into her with a vengeance. I lean forward so that my lips are next to her ear and grumble, "If you keep that up I'm going to cum." And then I nip her ear for emphasis.

"Edward," she groans. "Then fucking cum," she snaps and then begins to work her hips even harder.

I kiss her neck, her shoulder and shoulder blade as I peal myself away from her body and stand upright. My hands grip her hips tightly and tell her, "Hold on, Love." And then I fuck her… hard. I don't keep track of how long it takes, because it doesn't take me very long before I am spilling into her for what feels like forever. I pull her body up against my chest and hold her to me as I catch my breath. She turns in my arms and wraps hers around my waist. We end up holding each other until the water begins to cool and then hurriedly wash and get out of the shower before we get too cold.

Bella's cell phone rings as we are cleaning up our supper dishes. She glances at the screen and then looks up at me, "It's Al."

"Go ahead," I smile, "I can finish up here." Bella smiles back and she presses a button to accept the call and then quickly heads towards the living room.

The entire time I finish cleaning Bella's laughter and excited conversation floods the kitchen. I haven't heard her that happy in a really long time and I am hoping that has everything to do with me. I'm smiling as I start the dishwasher and walk into the living room. Bella looks up and gives me a smile while she's sitting on the couch still talking to my sister. I take the seat at the opposite end of the couch and then lean forward and take each of her ankles into my hands, pulling them slowly towards me and then setting them gently on my lap. I take my time and begin rubbing her left foot, starting with the heel and then working her arch with my thumbs and then finally, I rub her toes. I hear Bella tell Alice that she will talk to her in the morning and then she hangs up and sets her phone on the arm of the couch.

"That feels good," she groans and she leans back further into her corner of the couch.

"I'm glad you approve," I smile as I begin working on her right foot.

"I do," she sighs and lets her head loll back against the over-stuffed couch cushions.

"How's Al?" I ask, not wanting to pry, but still wondering what the hell they are planning.

"She's good. I'm going Christmas shopping with her and Rose tomorrow," she states.

"Oh, okay," I answer. I start working on each of her calves hoping that I can soften her up enough that she might reconsider shopping with the girls so that she can go shopping with me.

Bella sees right through me and nudges my thigh with her free foot. I look up at her and am relieved to see her smiling. "I thought we could go shopping on Wednesday, okay?"

"Sure," I begin, but then am cut off by Bella's huge yawn. I laugh and Bella can't help but give a sexy little giggle. "You must be tired," I tell her as I give her leg a squeeze, "Let's go to bed."

"Mmmmm… bed… that sounds good," she groans, making me laugh again.

I quickly stand up and step in front of her and offer her my hand, "Alright you, let's go."

She takes my hand and I lead her to bed… to sleep.

_**Tuesday**_

I wake in the morning to the sound of Bella's hair dryer coming from the bathroom. I rub my eyes and glance over at the clock. It's already after 9:30. Damn, I haven't slept that long or that well in months. I get out of bed quickly and head to the bathroom to see what Bella's plans are for the day. But, when I enter the bathroom I find Bella, already dressed, bent over at the waist with the blow-dryer in one hand and her hand working her hair with the other and I can't help myself: I move to stand behind her, placing my hands on her hips and rub myself against her perky little ass. She wiggles her butt against me and I immediately get hard for her. I groan unable to control myself. Bella flips herself upright and her long hair flies back and down my chest and shoulders lightly tickling me causing goose bumps to rise on my chest and arms and then she spins abruptly to face me.

She's smiling and saying something but I can't quite make it out over the sounds of her hair dryer. I reach for the dryer, but she shuts it off and sets it on the counter before I can. "Good morning, handsome," she grins.

"Morning," I reply and lean in and kiss her on the lips. She kisses me gently and then steps away. But, I want more. "Come here," I growl and reach for her hips. But, she places both of her hands firmly on my chest and braces herself against me.

"Edward," she grumbles in annoyance, "I have to finish getting ready."

I feel a growl rise in my chest because I really, _really_ don't want to let her out of my sight. Bella slaps my chest sharply and glares at me.

"Knock it off," she snaps at me and then looks me dead in the eye, her eyes showing me a flash of anger. "You've known all along that I will be spending time with my friends, too. So, you need to get over this shit right now."

Fuck, now _I'm_ annoyed and I feel myself glaring at her. I take a deep breath while scrubbing my face with my hands. When I look back at her, she's thrown her hair up into a pony tail and is leaning against the counter waiting for me to respond. "I wasn't trying to keep you here," I try to explain, "I just wanted to… hell, I just wanted to hug you and you got all defensive."

Bella reaches out and takes my hand, "Okay, I get that, but you can't get upset with me when I want to do something without you."

"Bella," I groan, "I'm not _upset_ with you because you are doing something without me. Are you really going to hold it against me because I want more time with you? I mean," I pause for a moment wanting to really make it clear how I'm feeling. We have talked on the phone about some things, but we have yet to have a "difficult" discussion in person and I really want to get it right. "I am so happy you are here…_with me _and I guess I just want more of this. And I know that as soon as we let everyone else in it's going to change."

She is quiet for a bit before she replies. In a quiet voice she finally answers, "Being here with you has been great and I am glad that I chose to stay with you." Bella takes my face in her hands and looks up at me, her eyes begging me to listen to her, "But, Edward, you need to relax. I'm here _visiting_. I leave in two weeks and as much as I want to spend time with you, I want to see my friends too."

I lean down and rest my forehead against hers. "I'm sorry," I tell her honestly, "I didn't realize I was being so possessive." I kiss the tip of her nose and then, realizing that I need to give her some space, I step back.

"Edward, I know you better than you think I do," she snickers. She steps past me, but pats my chest on her way. "I have to finish getting ready. Alice and Rose will be here in a few minutes to pick me up."

She leaves me standing in the bathroom. There's a part of me that's absolutely furious. And that part of me wants to stomp out to wherever the hell she is and throw her over my shoulder, carry her to my bedroom and keep her locked there forever. The other part of me knows that I am over-reacting. That I need to take a step back, because in reality even though she's here with me, in my home, for the next two weeks. We are not together and _there_, in lies the rub. And holy fuck am I just now getting what a mind-fuck this is and she's only been here a day! And with that thought I go and take a piss.

When I finally make my way out to the Living Room I find Rose, Emmett, Alice, Jasper and Bella waiting for me. "Hey," I nod at the group "What's going on?" I quickly add.

Emmett immediately pipes up, "I thought we could go and do a little Christmas shopping while the girls are out. You game?" he asks while looking up at me expectantly.

"Sure," I agree, knowing that I had absolutely no plans for the day.

The girls immediately stand up, kiss their husbands and say their goodbyes. Bella looks over at me and says, "I will text you when we are on our way back, ok."

I just nod feeling like I had just been gutted like a fish. I take a deep breath and exhale as she turns and heads out with Rose and Alice. I feel my shoulders slump and I look down at the floor completely disappointed that Bella didn't kiss my goodbye. I feel like a rejected teen-ager with a crush and it fucking sucks.

"What's up Edward?" Jasper asks and I quickly catch myself and adjust my posture.

"Nothing, Man, I'm fine," I lie and lie poorly.

"Uh huh," Jasper snickers.

"Shut up," I grumble and go to my bedroom looking for a pair of sneakers.

The entire time I am out with Emmett and Jasper I am completely distracted. Between looking at my phone hoping to hear from Bella and looking around the shopping mall with the slim hope of seeing Bella, I barely hear a word my brothers are saying.

I don't buy anything and shortly after lunch the guys take me back home because I am "fucking useless" according to Emmett. Which is fine with me because I would much rather be waiting at home in case Bella happens to come home early.

I spend the next eight hours watching the clock… and my cell phone… and my clock on my cell phone… and lifting the house phone off the hook, checking for a dial tone: basically, driving myself mad.

I finally break down at 9:00pm and text her: 'You having fun?' I ask because it sounds much better than 'Are you ok?' or 'Get your ass home!'

About ten minutes later she replies, 'Yep'.

My frustration immediately hits a new high. Those three letters glare at me and I want to slam my phone against the wall. I'm fighting the urge to text her again and ask her when she's coming home. But, instead I set my phone in its charger in my Office and walk away. I grab a beer from the refrigerator and head to the Living Room. I grab the remote and turn on the TV as I take my seat on the couch, like I would any other day of the week. I flip the channels searching for a distraction.

I feel discarded and I hate feeling like this. When Bella asked to stay with me I wasn't sure how things we going to go. I never thought our reunion would go like it did yesterday. I figured that, if I was lucky, I might get her back in my bed. But, I never thought for a second that we would be having sex the moment we were in the house together. And now, I can't help but wonder where this puts us. Are we getting back together? Her behavior last night screams yes, but her behavior in front of my family screams NO! Loudly.

I know that I would love to get back together with Bella, but is that what we are doing? Does Bella even want that? My mind whirls with questions until I quickly guzzle my entire beer and finally find a UFC fight on TV.

When Bella finally gets home, she comes in the house, shopping bags in tow, smiling and in what seems to be a great mood. As frustrated as I am that I haven't seen or heard from her all day, her easy-going joy fills the room and I can't help but smile back at her.

"Did you have fun shopping?" I ask trying like hell to lighten up.

"Yeah," she beams after she sets the bags on the floor near the couch, "We had so much fun." She begins telling me the details of her day: where they went, where they ate, who tried on what… blah, blah, blah. "Oh, you should see what I found for your Mom," she gasps as she plops down next to me on the couch and then begins rifling through a beige bag that happens to be sitting at her feet.

I stare at her as she shows me her spoils from her day of shopping. Her cheeks are flushed and she's overly animated as she talks. She's so fucking adorable and deep in my gut I know, that without a doubt, I want this woman with me for the rest of my life. The realization isn't a new one, but it hits me hard because things are so fucked up and I'm not sure how to get us back on course.

Bella's expression changes from joyful to solemn, "Are you alright?" she asks as she nudges me with her elbow.

"Yeah," I choke out, trying not to let my emotions get the better of me. "It's just… well… I haven't seen you this happy in quite a while," I tell her trying to keep my voice steady. Bella just smiles in response. When she doesn't speak, I continue quietly while reaching over and holding her hand in mine, "I'm glad you had such a great time today."

She squeezes my hand lightly and I look down and our entwined fingers. I pull her hand up to lips and kiss the back of her hand. When I'm finished I place our hands back on my knee and look up her pretty face. Her eyes are eyes are a bit glassy and I can tell her emotions are affecting her as well. Before either of us can say a word Bella yawns and then we both laugh aloud.

"Can we go to bed?" Bella asks and looks at me expectantly, adding, "I'm beat."

I nod and stand. Bella and I take her bags to the Office and I lock up the house while Bella heads to the bedroom to get ready for bed.

When I make my way to bed, I find Bella already laying in the bed in her a pair of white cotton boy shirts and a white wife-beater. She has thrown the blankets down to the foot of the bed and is sprawled all over her side of the bed. Her hair is loose and wild around her and her arm is thrown up over her eyes, shielding them from the dimly lit lamp that sits on my nightstand on the other side of the bed.

I peel my shirt off and throw it and my jeans in a pile on the floor at the foot of my bed. I climb in beside her in nothing but my boxers and pull the covers up over our legs. I shut off the lamp and lay down facing Bella. She rolls on her side and faces me and there's just enough light in the room that I can see the outline of her face.

"Edward?" she whispers.

"Yeah?"

"Are we okay?" she asks.

"I'm not sure," I murmur honestly.

"Why?"

I take a second to carefully formulate my answer, "Because I'm not sure what we are doing and it's fucking with my head."

"Oh." We both are quiet for a minute before Bella continues, "Do you want me to go?" she whispers in voice so quiet that I barely heard her.

"No!" I say a little too loudly causing Bella to startle towards me. "I just think we should try to figure this out before we do anything else." I reach my hand forward and find her arm. I run my hand down her arm searching for her hand and when I find it and take it into mine and pull it to rest on the bed in the small space between us.

"What do you want?" Bella whimpers, sounding scared of the answer.

"You… just you," I sigh. "What do you want?" I counter.

"I don't know," she chokes out and I can tell by the timber of her voice that she's beginning to cry.

"Love, don't cry," I whisper. Feeling like a shit, I let go of her hand and reach up to cradle her face. I feel a tear on her cheek and gently wipe it away with my thumb.

"Edward," she begins, "I… I love being here, but I've only been here a day. And I really think we need to give it a little time before we rush back into anything. No matter what happens between us, I'm still going back to London in two weeks. I'm sorry."

I take a deep breath. I know she's right. I know she's leaving me again, but I can't help wanting her to be mine. "Don't be sorry," I begin, "I'm sorry enough for the two of us."

Bella shifts slightly in the bed and then asks, "What do you mean?"

I take her hand again and then lean in and kiss her lips. "Well, I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for being a shitty boy-friend. I'm sorry for taking you for granted. I'm sorry for being such a controlling shit and most of all I'm sorry for not begging you to stay."

"Edward…" my name hisses off her lips, "I really appreciate your apology. I do."

"If I had begged you to stay, would you have gone to London anyway?" I cut her off anxious to know if it would have made a difference to her at all.

She's very still for a second, as if she's bracing herself, and then answers, "Yes, I still would have gone."

I take a deep breath, because that statement hurt more than I thought it would. I run my fingers over the knuckles of her hand buying myself some time. "Tell me about London," I blurt, begging to change the subject.

"What about it?"

"Tell me everything." And she does. I spend the next few hours listening to Bella go on and on about her flat, her job, and all the things she loves and hates about the city. By the end of the conversation, we are both tired and more at ease. At some point, Bella rests her head on my chest and I wrap my arms around her. It feels so good, so right. And I have no idea how I'm going to be able to let her go again.

**_Okay... so what do you think? Please be kind to Bella... she's a little all over the place right now... but she'll get it together... eventually ;0)_**

**_See you in a couple of weeks!_**

**_jen_**


	7. Chapter 7:  Twenty Questions

**a/n: I am a complete fail at updating this summer and I am so, so sorry.**

**For those of you that care I will explain at the botttom... so, on with the show...**

Last time...

"_Tell me everything." And she does. I spend the next few hours listening to Bella go on and on about her flat, her job, and all the things she loves and hates about the city. By the end of the conversation, we are both tired and more at ease. At some point, Bella rests her head on my chest and I wrap my arms around her. It feels so good, so right. And I have no idea how I'm going to be able to let her go again._

Chapter 7 – Twenty Questions

_**Wednesday**_

"Bella how much longer until you are ready to go?" I ask as I pull on my well-worn, black leather jacket. We are going out with Alice and Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie and Angela and Ben tonight. Considering how emotional things have gotten between us, I feel the need to really make tonight special for Bella. I am dressed in a pair of dark jeans, a black button-down and my favorite black, three-eye Dr. Marten's shoes. Knowing perfectly well that Bella has always liked me dressed like this.

"Ummm," she begins as she peaks her head out of the bathroom door. She looks me over from head to toe and throws me and appreciative smile, "I will be ready in about ten minutes."

"Alright," I smile back, "I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Where are you going?" she asks, her voice rising with concern.

"I need to run a quick errand, but I won't be long," I wink at her. Bella just shakes her head at me and ducks back into the bathroom.

I bolt from the bedroom and pick up my wallet and keys on my way out to the car and head straight to Gladiola's flower shop. I called ahead earlier today and asked for a small bouquet of roses for Bella. After all, this _is_ a date.

I open the weathered wooden door to the shop and bells hanging from the back of the door chime with a soft tinkle, alerting Gladiola to my presence. She comes around the corner with a smile on her face, "Well, hello there handsome," she teases with a wink, "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, to you," I easily smile back to her.

"I'm glad to hear your lady loved her bouquet so much," she beams up at me with a wide grin.

"Yeah, she really thought it was beautiful." I look down at my watch, trying to keep myself on time. I have fifteen minutes to get back to the house. "So, how much do I owe you for today?" I ask trying to politely hurry things along.

Gladiola cocks an over-plucked brow at me and I have a feeling this isn't going to be as simple as just picking up a bouquet and leaving. "Hmmm… let's see… Do you know your Ladies' favorite flower is yet?"

I internally cuss, chiding myself for not knowing the answer to her question. And I must have physically blanched because Gladiola's soft chuckle quickly garners my full attention. "No," I answer quietly, completely embarrassed that I still haven't bothered to figure that out. "But, it's only been a couple of days," and then I add with more confidence, "give me a little more time, I will get there."

"Ha," she scoffs. "Don't do it on my account, Son." She's walking away from me shaking her gray head. But, before she rounds the corner to go back into the back room she looks over at me and says, "I will tell you this: if you don't start paying better attention to that Lady of yours, I promise you, someone else will. And what will you do then?" I freeze because I have no clue what I would do if there was someone else in the picture. Gladiola just shakes head again and disappears into the back room.

I know she's right, too. I need to get to know Bella better. I need to re-learn the details I know I have lost. I glance down at my watch again. Damn, I need to get moving. I glance up anxiously and begin drumming my fingers on the counter in a hurried rhythm.

A breath later Gladiola reappears with a small bouquet of red and white roses in hand. She offers the flowers to me over the counter and as I take them into my hands I am very, very pleased with what I see. Seated in the middle of the arrangement is a single, very large and very red rose. Surrounding the red rose are smaller, unopened white roses. It's simple and beautiful and I really hope that Bella loves it.

"They're beautiful," I smile as I tell Gladiola. I pull out my wallet and hand over my credit card.

"Thank you," she smiles back. As she hands me back my card she refuses to let go. I look into her perceptive light blue eyes and I can tell she's going to impart some more wisdom to me. "Now, you listen up," she rumbles and yanks my credit card to make sure I'm giving her my undivided attention. "I don't know your history. But, I can tell that you _care_ about your lady friend."

"Bella," I interrupt and she smiles, "her name is Bella."

"Ok, I can tell that you care about _Bella_, because you are here buying her flowers for the second time in one week." She lets go of my credit card and shakes her head at me, again and then continues, "But, Son, you need to get it together… before it's too late." She sets the receipt on the counter and holds it while I sign it.

I turn to leave and as I reach for the doorknob I turn back to face Gladiola. "Thanks for everything," I smile. "Really, I'm trying." I pause for a moment and find myself resting my head against the edge of the door. I take a deep breath and then look back to Gladiola, "Have a Merry Christmas."

"Thank you," she smiles back, but it's a sad smile; a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes and makes a lump rise in my throat. "You have a Merry Christmas, too," she nods.

I close the door behind me feeling a bit unnerved by the way the visit ended. I was only supposed to be picking up a bouquet of flowers and now, every time I look at beautiful flowers, my chest gets heavy and I am reminded where Bella and my relationship truly lies. And I don't like it… not one bit.

I'm ten minutes late when I make it back to the house. I park the car, grab the flowers and jog up to the door. I take a deep breath, place her flowers behind my back and ring the doorbell.

It feels like it takes forever, but when the door finally opens Bella is standing there, looking exquisite in a pair of form-fitting black pants and a snug, V-neck emerald green cashmere sweater. Her brow furrows and she glances back over her shoulder and then back to me. She motions behind her with her hand and then sputters, "I thought… you… why are you out here?"

Grinning, I tell her, "I'm here to pick you up for our date." Bella smiles wide making my heart flip in my chest. God, I love putting a smile on this woman's face.

"Edward," she sighs and reaches out and takes my hand.

Before I move I pull the flowers out from behind my back and offer her the roses. "These are for you," I lean in and give her the lightest kiss on her cheek, not wanting to smudge her lipstick.

When she glances down at the roses her breathe catches and her eyes widen. "Oh my, they are beautiful," she leans forward and kisses me on the lips this time. It's a quick kiss and that's perfectly fine with me because she is pulling me by my hand into the house while telling me, "Come in and let me put them in water before we go." I follow her inside and she's bouncing on the balls of her feet as she heads into the kitchen for a vase for her flowers.

I wait in the entry and watch her walk away. She has straightened her hair and it is so long that it's almost down to her butt now. I hear the water run, shut off and then she's back in front of me smiling, "Thank you for the flowers."

"You are welcome, Beautiful," I smile back at her, "Are you ready to go? I know I was a little late getting back," I glance down to check my watch, "and if we don't leave soon we will be late."

"Yeah, I'm ready. I just need to slip on my shoes and jacket and grab my purse." Bella steps over to the small, dark-stained oak table that sits behind the door in the entry and steps into a pair of black suede, stiletto boots that come up just a bit higher than her ankle. I see her black, wool jacket hanging off the back of the door and pick it up and then hold it open for her to put on. She smiles up at me and then turns her back to me and eases her arms back into the sleeves of the jacket. I lean in and catch the smell of her perfume and I smile wider because I know it's the same flowery scent she has always worn. The same scent that I bought her years ago: Rush by Gucci. Before she is completely in her jacket in lean down to her ear and tell her, in the sweetest voice I can muster, "If I forget to tell you later… thank you for coming out with me tonight."

Bella turns faster than I can anticipate and looks up at me, "You better watch it," she teases and it's my turn to furrow my forehead in confusion. She nudges me a bit in the stomach with her elbow and then smiles, "a girl could get used to this."

I know I hadn't treated her the way I should of in the past and I need her to know now that I see that. I pull her into my arms and whisper, "I'm trying, Love… I'm trying."

Her arms wrap around my waist and she gives me a tight squeeze, "And that's all I have ever wanted."

I hold Bella until she lets go of me. It's only a moment, but it's a moment of pure, innocent bliss and I refuse to be the one to pull away from it. Bella reaches to the table to grab her purse and at the same time she takes a hold of my hand and doesn't let go. I pull her hand up towards my mouth as I lean down and kiss the back of her hand. "You ready, Beautiful?" I ask her. She nods.

Once we get on the road things are quiet, but Gladiola's prodding comes to mind and I know I need to do something. Even though we spent last night catching up about Bella's life in London, I still feel like I'm missing some of the most basic things about her. I hesitate and then ask, "Bells?"

"Hmmm?" she answers while looking out her passenger side window.

I swallow hard, nervous that Bella is going to laugh at me. "Wanna play twenty questions?"

"What?" she scoffs. "Why? Didn't we talk enough last night?" Her forehead is cinched in confusion and she's looking at me like I'm stupid. Her eyes snap forward. "I think we know all there is to know about each other," she mutters under her breath.

I don't know why, but she looks annoyed with me. "Maybe not," I respond in as sure of a voice that I can muster and shrug my shoulders. She glances over at me and I try to comfort her with a hopeful smile. I reach over and set my hand on her thigh and then give her leg a gentle squeeze, "We've been apart for a while. People change. I think we both have."

She smiles, places her hand on top mine, takes a deep breath and then says, "Ok," as she squeezes my hand in return.

"Alright, I go first," I rub her leg and then plunge right in, "Are you happy to be home?" I glance over at her watching her reaction. She flinches at first and then her face relaxes.

"Yeah," she sighs and then takes a deep breath. "I was nervous about staying with you and how everyone was going to act. But, it's great being back."

"Good," I smile and then offer, "Your turn."

"Oh… Ummm…" she shifts in her seat and her free hand fidgets with the hem of her jacket. "Ok… Cats or dogs?"

That so wasn't what I was expecting. I blurt without thinking, "Huh?"

Bella giggles, "Do you prefer cats or dogs?"

I laugh and then answer, "Neither, they both make too much mess. What about you: cats or dogs?"

"Well," Bella starts, "As much as the idea of a pet appeals to me, I don't like the idea of having to clean up an animals' shit." A body-jarring shiver racks her body as she continues, "It grosses me out."

I can't help but laugh again. I glance over at her and when she looks at me I ask, "Favorite color?"

"That's a really hard question," she says as she taps her chin in pretending to be deep in thought.

"Really?" I ask a bit shocked because if that's hard for her some of the others I have planned are going to earth-shattering.

"No! Not really," she laughs at me and then playfully shoves my shoulder. "It's green." She bats her big brown eyes at me, "Has been for years. What's yours?"

"Brown. Warm, chocolate brown," I reply in an instant, while looking over at her and batting my own _green_ eyes. I find myself exhaling a loud slow breath. It's a relief to know that some things haven't changed. "Your turn," I nod at her.

"Alright…" she turns her body toward me and her face is lit up like a Christmas tree, "favorite dessert?"

"Hmmm…" I have to think for a second, because, in general I'm not big dessert eater. "I would have to say that my most favorite dessert would have to be your apple pie. But it has to be warm, with vanilla ice cream on top. You?"

"Wow, I didn't know that one," she smiles. "I have to say I love your Mom's chocolate cake. I think I may even have dreamt about it while I was away."

"Well then," I wink at her, "I will just have to make that dream come true while you are home."

"You promise?" she asks with a raised, excited voice.

"Yep," I smile, "Is it my turn?" Bella nods. "What's your favorite flower?" I smile because I know Gladiola will be proud of me.

"That one is a bit harder, because there are so many." Bella picks my hand up off her thigh and hold it her hand as she turns her body towards mine. Once she is settled, she sets our hands back on her knee, and then continues to answer my question, "I think Freesia is my favorite. It smells so good and it comes in so many pretty colors and varieties."

"Do you have a favorite variety?" I ask quickly.

"Yeah, I like the double freesia in any color, really," she smiles. Then her eyes get a bit wider and she smiles, "Uh huh… don't think I don't know what you're doing."

I'm just a little shocked by her reaction and not really sure where she's going with, "I don't… what do you mean?"

"You're just trying to figure out what to get me for Christmas," she laughs and squeezes my hand.

I laugh along beside her and then sigh, "If only it was that simple." Bella doesn't say anything else and when I look over at her I see that her carefree facial expressions of a moment ago have changed into something quiet, solemn almost. "Hey," I give her a little nudge with my hand, "your turn."

Bella nods. "Why _are_ we doing this?" she whispers and looks over at me. Her eyes are burning up at me through her lashes. She is looking at me with so much intensity, such deep focus, that I reach of and gently stroke the side of her face.

I clear my throat. "Because," I tell her, "I feel like I've lost so much and taken so much for granted." I glance at the road and then back to Bella. "I just want to get to know you, again. That's all."

Bella is quiet for a minute and then blurts, "Your turn."

The mood in the car has turned somber so I decide to lighten it up with an easy question. "Favorite food?"

Bella laughs, "Well, that hasn't changed. Anything Italian… but I love a good lasagna," practically groaning out the last part. "You?"

I smile at Bella's reaction and then answer, "I'm still a steak and potatoes guy. Your turn."

Bella giggles and I'm happy because it seems like I have successfully eased the mood. "What's your favorite candy?" Bella asks with little to no hesitation.

"Man, that's a tough one," I groan. Because I'm not a candy kind of guy, but she already knows this. I smile at her and then tell her, "It's still Mike and Ike."

"See," she laughs, "Some things don't change. I still love _Reese's_ Peanut Butter cups."

We laugh together as we pull in to the parking lot for _Gianna's_. I see Emmett's black SUV parked beside Alice's gaudy yellow Porsche 911 Carrera. I pull into a spot behind them and put my oh-so-practical Volvo in park. Bella pulls her visor down and checks her reflection in the mirror. I watch her re-apply her lipstick and then flip the visor back up. When she looks over at me and smiles I ask her, "Are you ready?"

"Yeah," she nods, "I think I am."

I jump out of the car and move quickly to her side to open her door. But, I'm not fast enough. Bella is just putting her feet on the ground when I get there. I offer her my hand and she takes it and whispers her thanks as she stands up. I shut her door, engage the locks and the car alarm with the press of a button on my keyless remote and then we quietly make our way, hand-in-hand, though the chilly night air and up to the front door of the restaurant.

Once we are inside I hear Emmett's booming voice yell out Bella's name. Bella turns to our left and then lets out an ear-piercing squeal as she drops my hand and runs over and wraps her arms around the first of her friends she comes to, Angela. I slowly follow behind Bella and I am relieved to see Emmett, Rose, Alice, Jasper and Ben all smiling at the scene unfolding in front of them. Bella goes from person to person and is quickly engulfed in hugs and kisses from our friends and family. After they each finish with Bella, they take their turn offering me a handshake or hug and a quick hello.

Emmett is the last to shake my hand and then stands next to me, his shoulder just touching mine. He's offering me his support, however silent it may be. "The hostess said our table should be ready in a few minutes," he tells me quietly. I nod. "She looks good," he continues. I nod, again. "You look good," he adds.

This time I nod, smile and tell him, "Thanks." All the while, I can't take my eyes of Bella. Her face is lit brighter than a Christmas tree as she flits between her friends that she has missed so much. As much as I want to be the only one who is capable of making her light up like that, I realize how special and rare it is for her to be surrounded by the friends and family that love her so.

"You guys figure anything out yet?" Emmett interrupts my train of thought. As I glance away I see Jasper making his way over to us, with three large mugs of beer in hand. He stands in front of us and offers us each a mug.

"Thanks," I nod to him and take the cool mug off his hands. I take sip and swallow it down. It's cold and goes down smooth. Emmett is still looking at me with an arched brow, waiting for my answer. I shake my head, "No, Em… we haven't really had the chance." I don't mean anything by it, but as soon as Emmett snickers I realize how my comment may have come across. "Jesus, Emmett, get your head out of the fucking gutter," I growl wanting to defend Bella.

"Dude, I was just giving you a hard time," he laughs while Jasper just quietly shakes his head at the pair of us.

"Yeah, well," I glare at him, "You're not going to say shit like that about Bella. Got it?" With a look I try to impress upon him how quickly I will kick his ass if he decides to talk about Bella in a manner I don't like.

Emmett's eyes widen and I see that he gets it. "Okay, man, I hear ya," he mutters.

Jasper clears his throat and then adds, "So, the girls are already making plans," trying to change the topic.

I nod and Emmett grunts. But, before either of us can say anything we are interrupted by the hostess calling for us, "Cullen, party of eight?"

I turn around to face her as Emmett tells her, "That's us." Bella comes to my side and takes my arm.

"Right this way," the hostess says as she turns and heads deeper into the restaurant.

I let Bella take the lead as we follow the hostess through the main dining room filled dining patrons. A row of tables covered with white linens, tall crystal clear stem-ware, fine bone-white china rimmed with silver and sparkling silverware are banked against the outer walls and anchored to the creamy off-white walls by a banquette of dark leather running the length of the wide room. Two sections on each side of the light colored walls are painted a rust-red to accent large paintings of Italian gardens that are hung in heavy, ornate dark-stained wooden frames. The same dark wood and rusty red are echoed in the wood and upholstery of the chairs that sit around each of the tables, easing the stark contrast of the dark wood and deep red with the bright white of the clothed tables. _Gianna's_ seems to be busy tonight, as each table has at least one guest. Our noisy footsteps on the black and white, checker-board marble floor are muffled by the pleasant-sounding chimes and clanks of glasses and dinnerware being used and reset. While the murmurs and laughs of the other customers seem to ease us further into the restaurant.

Once we are through the main dining room, we are led into a smaller room in the back and across from the kitchen. In the center of the room is a large square pillar that looks to be at least four feet wide. The unique thing about the pillar is that there is a large wine rack set into each side of the wall. The wine rack is trimmed with the same dark wood that runs like a theme throughout _Gianna's_ and arches gently at the top with a two glass-front doors open on either side. Each rack looks as if it could hold fifty bottles of wine a piece. On each side of the pillar, there are two larger linen-covered circular tables. The room could easily hold four larger parties without problem.

In the back side of the room a large party seems to be having a great time laughing and talking loudly. We are led to the opposite side of the room to a large table that is set to fit the eight of us. The hostess steps around to the back side of the table and pulls out a chair for Bella. Bella tells the hostess thank you as she takes her seat. I follow to take the seat beside her and when Jasper follows in behind me Alice speaks up.

"No, wait," she yelps and then scurries between me and Jasper. "It needs to be boy-girl-boy-girl," she orders as she points to the next seat and then the next.

Rose rolls her eyes and the groans, "Really Alice?"

Alice, of course, being the sweet girl she is just smiles widely and nods adding an excited, "Yes."

Bella and Angela giggle at Alice and Rose, while Emmett and Ben just shrug and take their seats by their girls. Alice takes the empty seat next to me, followed by Jasper, then Rosalie and Emmett, and then finally, Angela and Ben. Bella reaches over and grabs my hand and pulls it into her lap, causing me to lean towards her. She smiles up at me and then leans in further and gives me a slow kiss on the cheek, lingering for just a second.

"What was that for?" I ask with a smile as she pulls away.

She bites down on her bottom lip and then shakes her head slightly, "Because we're here… together."

"Oh," is all that I can manage. I'm smiling, now, too as I look down at her. An errant strand hair has fallen forward into her face, so I reach up and slowly place it behind her ear. She leans just slightly into my hand, but it's enough for me feel her cheek in the palm of my hand. The pink tip of her tongue peeks out just a bit and wets her plump bottom lip. I dare a glance at her lips and find myself fighting back the urge to kiss her in front of everyone.

Before I can lean down to taste Bella's lips, our waiter snaps us back to reality, "And what would you two like to drink?" he asks while smiling down at the two us. Bella looks over at me expectantly, like she's waiting for me to order for the two of us.

So I do. "We'll both have water while we look over the menu," I tell him. He gives me a nod and then moves on to Alice and Jasper.

Angela starts asking Bella questions about her trip and her flight, but I know the answer to those questions. I start thinking of some of my own while they talk. When Bella finishes telling Angela about her flight over, I step in with a question of my own.

"What's your favorite thing about living in London?" Ben asks Bella.

"Well," she looks over at me and then glances around at each of her friends, "that's definitely a tough one, because there's so much. There's so much to see and do." Bella shifts in her seat, leaning towards Ben and then continues, "And my job is so challenging and so much fun. And the people I have met and work with are so welcoming and interesting…" she stops and looks up dramatically and then back to me, "I guess you could say that my favorite thing about being in London is the newness of it all. I like that I hardly know anyone and no one really knows me or _about_ me."

I nod, because I can't find then the words. And then it hits me like a ton of bricks. "It's a fresh start… a clean slate," I say trying not to be bitter.

And then Bella quirks her head towards me and juts out her chin, "Yeah, I guess so." She shrugs and then nervously looks away.

Rosalie immediately speaks up, "We're all getting together at the Parents house on Christmas Eve, right?" She looks nervously between Bella and me until Bella answers. Alice chimes in talking about what we will be having for Christmas dinner and what they will be baking on Christmas Eve.

I catch Jasper looking at me out of the corner of my eye and he gives me small smile. "How's work been going?" he asks me across the table.

I welcome his distraction. "Things are going much better, now. I have added two new clients just last week and things are looking good."

"That's good to hear," Jasper nods. Jasper looks over at Ben and asks, "Ben, what have you been up to these days? Teaching still doing you good?"

"Oh, you know, man. Same ole thing," Ben shrugs it off, never really being one who enjoyed the spot-light being on him, "teaching is good. I'm glad it's Elementary though. The little kids are much easier to deal with than teenagers," he laughs. We all laugh along with him.

Out of nowhere I hear Angela say, "Oh, Bells, I saw your Dad the other day!" And I think everyone at the entire table turns to look at Angela at the exact same time. Angela glances around to the rest of us then asks, "What?"

I'm confused, because Bella and her Dad had always been close and it just dawned at me that she hadn't mentioned spending any time with him while she was home.

Bella shakes her head, "Nothing really. He just wasn't very happy when I told him I was moving to London. How was he?"

"He looked good," Angela smiles. "He just said hi to me and when on about his business."

I reach over and rub Bella's shoulder and then lean in. "Bella," I ask and she looks up at me, "Why aren't you talking to your Dad?"

She gives me hard, almost bitchy look and the quirks an eyebrow up at me, "You don't know?"

I shake my head no. "This is the first I'm hearing of it," I tell her quietly and then glance around the table, relieved that the other couples are talking amongst themselves and not paying a bit of attention to me and Bella. I look back at Bella and am happy to see her face has relaxed some.

Bella takes an exaggerated deep breath and then dives right in. "The abridged version is that he didn't understand why I felt the need to go to London at all. He told me that I was being ridiculous. I told him he was being small minded. He told me that he was disappointed with me and then I told him that I was sorry he felt that way and I haven't talked to him since." Bella is looking up at me with eyes full of tears and my heart breaks for her. She had always loved her Dad so much and for her to not be speaking with him meant that their fight must have been much worse than she's making it out to be.

"I'm sorry," I whisper as a tear falls down her cheek. I reach over and wipe away the small wet trail, trying not to ruin her make-up in the process. Bella shrugs her shoulders, but doesn't say a word. "That must have made leaving even harder," and Bella just nods and then takes another deep breath.

Before we can go any further in our private conversation the waiter has returned to take out orders. He goes around the group and when he finally gets to Bella it's no surprise to hear her order a tossed salad and the Lasagna with meat sauce. And I'm sure she's not surprised when I order the Prime Rib with red potatoes.

The group all start talking with one another. Rose and Emmett begin telling everyone about their plans for their New Year's Eve party and of course invite Angela and Ben as well. Alice asks Bella about her office and if she's had the time to decorate, which makes Bella laugh out loud.

"No, Al, I haven't had time to decorate! I haven't even decorated my flat, let alone my office," she chuckles.

"Well, then I will have to come over and help you out with that!" Alice squeals and then leans in and sets her elbows on the table, "So, how's the job going?"

"It's great," Bella beams across me to Alice. "The budget is better and I have so many different options over there."

I look at her and then interject, "What's do you like the best about it?" I ask, more interested in her job than I had ever been before.

Bella smiles at me. "That's an easy one. It's the freedom. I can buy whatever I want for a set and no one bats an eye. I can do whatever I want… I'm the art director. I have the final say and what feels like an endless budget. It's just an awesome feeling."

Bella's enthusiasm for her job is contagious and I can't help but be happy for her. "I'm glad it's making you so happy," I smile at her.

Bella smiles ear-to-ear and tells me, "Thanks. That means a lot coming from you."

I nod and begin to say tell her thank you when the waiter returns with our food. For a small period of time our table is quiet as we all start in on our food. But, the quiet is short-lived and everyone strikes up more easy conversation. When Rose asks Bella when she will be home again I catch Bella shrugging her shoulders and not answering the question; raising my curiosity.

"Do you think you are ever going to move back to the States?" I blurt without thinking. Because I feel like I'm trying so hard to get her back into my life, but what would be the point if she has no intention of ever coming back?

Bella eyes me closely and then shrugs her shoulders again. "I'm not sure. I think it's too soon to say," she tells me in a matter-of-fact tone.

And it fucking stings. It pisses me the fuck off. I love this woman and I'm desperately wanting to put things back together with her. And I'm trying, I really fucking trying. I hope she sees it because I want her back and I want her back here.

I pick up my glass of water and down the entire thing. I see Bella turn to face Angela and then I feel Alice's hand on my arm. I look over at my little sister and see her offer me a sad smile. She squeezes my arm and mouths, "Just give her time."

I nod and tell her quietly, "I'm trying Al, I really am."

"I know," she smiles a little brighter this time. "Just don't give up on her okay?"

I nod again, "I hear you, Al. I do."

The rest of dinner is goes by in a blur. When we order dessert, Rosalie orders a bottle of wine. All of the girls each have a glass and then they all quickly get silly and giggly. It's fun to sit back, have a few drinks and watch Bella interact with everyone. It's obvious that she's missed everyone at the table and can't get enough of talking to each and every one of us.

Bella catches me watching her and the corner of her mouth quirks up in a little smile. "What?" she mouths.

I lean in and whisper in her ear, "I'm happy you're here and having such a great time."

"I'm glad to be here," she whispers back and gives me a light peck on the cheek.

"You about ready to go?" I ask her quietly, not wanting to alert the rest of the table.

"Umm, yeah… let me just use the bathroom and then we can head out." Bella takes a quick glance around the table and then says, "Ladies, let's go check our make-up." The girls all stand up, purses in hand, say bye to their men and head off to the bathroom.

Emmett signals the waiter for the check and then looks right at me. "You ok, bro?" he asks while wearing a strange but calm expression.

"Yeah, I'm good," I tell him and sit up a bit straighter in my seat.

"Things look good between you and Bella," he continues.

"I'm working on it, guys," I look over at Jasper and then to Ben, "I really am. But, Jesus, I don't need everyone watching my every move. It's fucking nerve wracking," I let out a nervous laugh. And the guys all join me with a laugh of their own.

We pay the bill before the girls make it back to the table and then we all look around anxiously wondering what in the word is keeping them. When they don't show up, we head back out towards the entrance of the restaurant and find the girls standing together by the door, still giggling.

"Well, there you are," Emmett bellows and the girls spin around to face us.

Rose quickly rises to challenge Emmett, cocking an eyebrow while throwing her long blond hair over her shoulder. "I told you to pay the bill and we'd meet you out here," she snaps while glaring at him.

Emmett steps to Rose and wraps his arm around her waist and gives her a quick kiss, "Oh, come on Rosie, I was just playing."

I step towards Bella and put my arm around her shoulder. She looks up at me and smiles while wrapping her arm around my waist. She gives me a little hip check and says, "Some things never change."

"Yeah, the mating rituals of Emmett and Rosalie will never change," I say with a faux sigh.

"Hey! I heard that," Rose grumbles, causing the group to bust out in another round of laughter.

Bella and I say good bye to our friends and family and then quickly make our way in the brisk evening air walk to my car. I lead her over to the passenger side and open her door, wait for her to sit and get comfortable, and when she looks up at me and smiles as I firmly shut her door.

As I make my way around to the driver's side I can't help but feel that dinner gone well. And I can't help but feel like I've learned even more about her. There's a part of me that wishes she was pining away for me in London like I had pined for her here. But, there's a bigger part that is proud that she is really making a go of it over there.

Emmett pulls his hulking, black SUV behind my Volvo and rolls down his window and asks, "Everything ok?"

I step forward and rest my arms on the door and then lean in just a bit so that I can hear Emmett over the harsh rumble of his over-sized engine, "Yeah," I smile, "Everything's good."

"Alright, Bro," Emmett smiles back at me and then offers me a nod, "See you at the 'Rents on Christmas Eve."

"Yep," I lean to the side to look at Rosalie and then tell her, "Night, Rose."

"Night, Edward," Rose smiles and then looks as though she just remembered something, "Oh! Tell Bella I will give her a call tomorrow, ok?"

"Sure thing," I tell her as I step away and lightly smack the door with my hand. "Good night, guys," I tell them one last time. Emmett nods and then rolls up his window as he pulls away.

I move as fast as I can without running to my car door and jump inside. Bella's eyeing me, but has a small smile splayed across her lips. "What did Emmett want?" she asks with ease.

"He was just making sure we were ok before he left," I tell her. I look her over and smile. She is twisting in her seat so that her body is turned to me and for some reason she looks a little flushed. My eyes make their way to her lips and rest there for a moment watching them part slightly and when she bites down on her plump bottom lip, I have to fight back the urge to devour her mouth. "Bella," I say in a huskier tone than I had intended.

"Yeah?" she whispers.

When my eyes glance up to her I see hers glance down from my own eyes, "Can I ask you something?"

"Yes," she sighs, but it doesn't seem to be out of annoyance; she seems to be just as caught up in this moment as I am.

I reach forward with my hand, careful to take my time, and stroke the apple of her cheek tenderly. I take a deep breath and then blurt, "Are you happy?"

Bella leans her head into my hand and smiles, "Yeah, I'm happy. At first, it was really hard. But, then I settled in." She pulls her knees up in front of her, while keeping her body turned towards me. "You and I had some good talks then and I think that helped me, too. And then when you asked me to come and stay with you I was really nervous that things would be awkward or we would fall back into our old pattern…" Bella's voice trails off and then she reaches out for my other hand. I eagerly meet her half-way taking her small hand into mine. When she starts talking again her voice is tight and the light from the streetlamps in the parking lot highlight the tears that are beginning to well in her eyes, "But, you are really trying… and giving me so much hope. So, yeah, right now, I'm _very_ happy."

"Good," I sigh, because holy hell, I am trying. I'm staring at my girl and she looks so fucking fragile. And I realize that this is a moment that could make or break us. I can't find the words, so I don't. I do the next best thing and lean in and kiss her luscious lips. My hand shifts from her cheek to the nape of her neck as I pull her to me. She takes a sharp inhale when my fingers touch the sensitive skin on her neck and I take advantage of the opening, sliding my tongue in and against hers. Bella's reaction is immediate and quick. She wraps her arms around my neck and practically pulls herself into my lap making me groan.

Bella pulls back just a bit and looks up at me through her dark lashes. We are both panting and I move to kiss her again, but she pulls back. She places her hands on either side of my face and then gives me a quick peck on lips, "We need to go home," she tells me.

"Ok," I whisper and then lean back in for another kiss.

She pulls back suddenly, but her eyes remain locked with mine while her arms are still wrapped around my neck, "Please take me home," she whispers.

I nod and begrudgingly drop my hands to let her go. Bella slowly pushes off of my lap and back into the passenger seat.

As I start the car I feel Bella's hand on my arm and I look over to find her staring at me with a wide-eyed, concerned look on her face. "Are we ok?" she asks softly.

"Yes, of course we are." I pull her hand into mine and smile into her beautiful brown eyes, "If you think you making us behave ourselves in public is going to cause me to _ever_ be upset with you, you have another thing coming."

"I'm sorry," she whispers, "I just feel so…" she squirms in her seat a bit, but still keeps a hold of my hand, "I don't know… I guess I'm overwhelmed by all… well, by you." Her purge comes out so quickly that I'm not sure what to say and before I can find a train of thought Bella continues hers. "It's just, well, you are being so good and I… well, I guess I'm just not used to it anymore."

"Love," I sigh gently, "I am sorry that I had taken you for granted for so long and I am trying my best to show you just how much you mean to me." I reach out and cup her face with my hand, "Bella, I love you. I have never stopped loving you and I will do my best to show you that while I have you here with me."

"See!" she blurts out and whips her hand out of mine and points at me with dramatically, "THAT is exactly what I'm talking about. THAT right there!"

"What?" I sputter, trying not to laugh at her theatrics.

"You!" she practically yells, "You are sitting there being so patient and saying _exactly_ the right thing and the right time. And I just don't know what to do with that shit."

"Bella," I chuckle quietly, "Just take it for what it is. I want things to be better between us. Hell, I want to be better for you. And I'm trying like hell to make it happen. What do I have to do to get you to relax and just take this as it comes?"

"Oh, Edward, I'm sorry. You must think I'm going fucking crazy or something," she shakes her head at herself and then looks back to me. "I see that you are trying. I do. And I know I need to take it for what it is, but there's a part of me that can't help but wait for the other shoe to drop. I am going to try. I am. I am going to do my best to focus on what's happening right now and let go of things that have happened in the past. Ok?"

"Ok, Love," I smile, "Ok." I reach forward to pull her to me and she willingly comes into my arms. I hold her tight against my chest and kiss the top of her head. "You ready to go home?" I whisper into her hair. She nods. I slowly let her out of my arms and she pulls herself back into her seat.

When I finally pull out of the parking lot, I feel drained. All the emotions of the last three days are weighing on me like a ton of bricks and it's all I can do to concentrate on the road ahead of me. The ride home is quiet, but Bella holds on to my hand the entire drive.

When we finally make it to the house, we both make our way around the bedroom, easing off our clothes and slipping in our pajamas: me in my boxer-briefs and Bella in her white wife-beater and white boy-shorts. I crawl into bed before Bella and lay on my side facing her side of the bed. A moment later she joins me, climbing into her side of the bed while pushing her back into my front and pulling my arm around her waist.

I kiss the top of her head and then tell her, "Goodnight, Love."

"Goodnight, Edward," she takes a deep breath and then sighs, "I love you."

"I love you, too," I whisper and pull her impossibly closer to me.

**a/n: First of all, I am very sorry for not updating regularly. There are many real reasons why I haven't been able to. But, primarily, I have found that I have to be in a particular frame of mind to write this story. And with my four boys, who are 13-5 years old, I haven't been able to get into that way of thinking while they have been home. On the up side, they will all be going back to school in two weeks and I will have plenty of time... YEAH!**

**Second, I want to thank everyone who has stuck with me and this story. I have a good amount of the next few chapters written and I hope to be able to update every two weeks or so. This story has a long way to go, so please don't give up on me. I promise I will fisnish it.**

**So, please drop me some reviews and let me know what you think of my Edward and Bella... Is their behavior realistic? **


	8. Chapter 8: Waking Up

**_a/n: I apologize for taking so long... for those of you that are still with me: here you go._**

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_When we finally make it to the house, we both make our way around the bedroom, easing off our clothes and slipping into our pajamas: me in my boxer-briefs and Bella in her white wife-beater and white boy-shorts. I crawl into bed before Bella and lay on my side facing her side of the bed. A moment later she joins me, climbing into her side of the bed while pushing her back into my front and pulling my arm around her waist. _

_I kiss the top of her head and then tell her, "Goodnight, Love."_

"_Goodnight, Edward," she takes a deep breath and then sighs, "I love you."_

"_I love you, too," I whisper and pull her impossibly closer to me._

Ch 8 – Waking up

_**Thursday**_

As I slowly wake up I stretch out my arms and legs, rolling onto my side in the process. I yawn quietly and open my eyes to see Bella's sweet face turned slightly towards me. Her hands are above her head and her dark brown hair is strewn about her pillow in wild disarray. Her face is calm and at peace; a stark contrast to the wild cloud of dark hair that surrounds her. Bella is so beautiful that it takes my breath away.

A strangling lump rises in my throat when I think about what happened last night. Last night was hard for both of us. When we came home from dinner we both were ready to fall into bed and into each other. But, we both were adult enough and tired enough to know that we needed to take things a bit slower than what we had initially. She told me she loved me last night. She hasn't said that to me in such a long time and I have to wonder if it was out of tired habit or if she is _really_ feeling it_. _

_Fuck._

Things between us are so complicated that I feel like I need to be very, very careful. I am walking a very precarious line between what Bella needs me to be and how I _really_ feel. And I wonder, just for a moment, how long I will be able to keep this up? Am I really capable of being the man she needs long term? What is she going to do if I can't? Because I'm pretty sure that the asshole who drove her away will make a reappearance… and what then?

I scrub my face with the palms of my hands and sigh, wanting to put that thought out of my mind. I ease my way out of bed trying not to wake Bella. We are supposed to go and finish our Christmas shopping today. I'm not looking forward to being out amongst throngs of crazy people, but I am looking forward to spending more time with Bella.

I quietly make my way to the kitchen and flip on the coffee maker and then set about making Bella breakfast in bed. I open the refrigerator and pull out all of the ingredients to make a couple of omelets: eggs, bacon, red bell pepper, green onions and mushrooms. I throw the bacon in the microwave while I sauté the pepper and onions in some butter. Once they are ready I add the mushrooms, turn down the heat and put the lid over the pan. As the time on the microwave counts down, I beat eight eggs in a bowl and wait for the other ingredients to finish up. Once the bacon is finished, I wrap it up in some paper towel, trying to get as much grease out of it as I can, and then crumble it up into pieces while dropping the bits into the beaten eggs. I finally add the veggies into the mix and then pour it all back into the skillet. It doesn't take long for the eggs to cook, but I watch them carefully, not wanting to burn our breakfast. I dash away quickly to pour us each a cup of coffee. Mine is black while Bella's has so much sugar and milk in it that it can barely be called coffee. With that finished, I head back to the eggs. They are, of course, ready and I can't help but smile at my timing this morning… so far… so good.

I plate the eggs and set them on the counter as I pull the breakfast tray out of the pantry. I set the food, a couple of forks and napkins, and the coffee on the tray, wishing I had a flower or something to add. Out of the corner of my eye I see the flowers that I bought Bella last night sitting on the kitchen table. I snatch one of the smaller buds out of the vase and set it the tray next to Bella's plate, pick up the tray and head back to the bedroom.

I'm relieved to find Bella still sleeping. She has moved into the middle of my king-size bed and is lying on her stomach, arms and legs sprawled all over the place. I set the tray down on the large, wood dresser that sits against the wall on Bella's side of the bed and then ease up onto the bed next to her. She is sound asleep and breathing heavily. I lean down to kiss her awake only to find her face is completely veiled by her hair. I find myself smiling as I reach down, taking my time to be gentle, and rearrange the errant strands of thick hair away from her face. I linger for a moment watching her breathe. As if it's on auto-pilot, my hand cups her soft, smooth cheek and I watch my thumb move slowly across the apple of her cheek. Bella's breathing hitches and her lips purse just a bit. I'm tempted to just sit here and watch her sleep, but our breakfast is getting cold and nobody likes cold eggs.

"Bella," I say quietly, trying to wake her. "Wake up, Love." She moans quietly, making me grin widely at her. "Come on, sweet girl," I chuckle and smooth her hair all the way off her face. She leans into my hand and then, taking me completely by surprise, her eyes pop wide open. "Good morning," I grin.

Bella offers me a weak smile, rolls onto her back and then throws her arms up over her head and proceeds to arch her back up off the bed, shoving her white tank covered tits in my face, as she stretches her arms and legs out away from her, with a breathy, "Uuungghhh," that makes my dick twitch in my boxers. I fight off the urge to pull her tight little body against mine by jumping out of the bed as fast as possible and grabbing the tray off of the dresser and then turning back to face her.

She's sitting up in the bed, looking up at me with her sleepy brown eyes. She reaches out with both hands for the tray and says, "You made breakfast," with a hungry growl.

"I did," I smile back at her and I lean down and help her settle the tray over her legs, while she leans back and rearranges the pillows behind her. Her body is angled towards me while she shifts the pillows with her arms and I can see her tight nipples push against the fabric of her thread-bare wife-beater and… "fuck," I mutter under my breath.

Bella's head whips back around to face me, "What?" she asks and looks up with her brow knitted with concern, "What's wrong?"

I clear my throat and offer a feeble, "Nothing." While making eye-contact with her and then dramatically looking down at her still hard nipples, I can't help but offer her my crooked grin. "Are you a little cold?"

Taking the hint, Bella glances down at her chest and then looks back up at me with a grin spread across her perfect lips. "Not really," she laughs, "are they bothering you _or something_?" she teases in return.

She's still smiling at me as I sit down beside her on the bed and then turn myself a bit to face her. I lean forward and kiss her gently on the cheek, whispering a soft, "_or something_," as I ease back from her. I dare a glance at Bella's face trying to gauge her reaction and I can't help but be pleased with what I see. Her cheeks are flushed a sweet shade of pink, while her beautiful brown eyes are wide and dilated. I smile at the sound of her taking a deep breath and she looks away from me, to the tray that is sitting above her extended legs, she exhales, reaches forward for her coffee and takes a slow, sure pull from the warm mug. I can't help but feel a sense of relief as I take my plate and fork from the tray and sit it on my lap, hoping to hide my semi-hard erection. It's nice to know that I'm affecting her as much as she is affecting me.

Bella takes her first bite of her omelet and groans softly, "Mmmm… this is so good." She takes another large bite and, for a few minutes, we eat in companionable silence. I catch Bella taking sideways glances at me in between bites and I can't help but smile.

When she catches me catching her she lets out a little giggle. "What's so funny?" I ask her, fighting to keep my grin at bay, trying not to laugh myself.

"Nothing," she mumbles over a mouth full of eggs.

I gently poke her in the ribs, "Spill it… what's so funny?"

Bella holds up her finger asking for a minute to finish chewing and then turns a bit to face me, "I was just thinking that, well… if feels like we are back at the beginning."

"What do you mean?" I ask a bit puzzled.

"Well, here we are _together… in your bed_ and we both are all tentative and shit. It's like we are both trying so hard to say and do the right thing. To not mess up, I guess. I mean, hell, you used to do the breakfast in bed thing for me all the time and then once you got me to move in with you it all stopped." Bella pauses for a minute and then waves her hands dramatically over the tray and the laughs, "And look, here we are."

"Would you rather me not have made you breakfast?" I ask a little offended and a lot confused. "I just wanted to do something nice for you that's all," I tell her quietly as I look down to my hands that are sitting in my lap.

"Hey," she says quietly and when her hand comes to rest on top of mine I look up at her, "I didn't mean… hell," she sighs, grabs my plate off the bed and sets it on her tray and then pushes the tray down towards the end of the bed. Unsure of what she's going to do next, I stay still. Once she has the tray where she wants it she spins around on all fours to face me.

I take a deep breath and stare into her eyes as she crawls her way up the bed and over my legs. She straddles me and her hands come to rest on my shoulders. "Baby," she sighs and then drags her fingernails up my shoulders and neck and into the back of my hair sending chills out all over my body. "I _love_ it that you made me breakfast in bed and I _love_ it that we are _both_ trying." She gives me light kiss and lingers for a moment, "I'm just scared," she whispers and then kisses me again.

I wrap my arms around her tiny waist and push myself up against her heat. Bella lets out a small whimper and I can't help but smile against her lips. I pull her back so I can look into her eyes and rub her arms and back trying to be reassuring. "I'm scared, too," I admit, "and I don't want to fuck this up, again. More than anything I want you back in my life and I just know that I'm going to say or do something that is going to fuck it all up."

"Edward," she begins, but I quickly place a finger on her lips, asking her to be quiet for just another moment. She smiles and licks my finger and I can't help but smile back.

"Listen, Bella, I have to know… What's going to happen when I fuck up? Because it is only a matter of time before I do. Are you just going to walk away and head back to London or what? It fucking killed me when you left," I shake my head trying to stay calm and then I whisper, "and I don't know if I could handle you leaving me like that again."

I let my hand fall from her mouth down to her bare thigh as I continue to look into her eyes. She's on the verge of tears and it's almost a relief to know that she feels something and I'm hoping that it's something similar to how I'm feeling. She blinks once, twice and then a tear falls down her cheek. Before I can reach up to wipe the tear away, she leans forward and rests her head on my shoulder, turning her face towards my neck so that her nose sits at the hollow of my throat. I wrap my arms around her and rub her back, trying to be reassuring.

"I love you, Edward," she whispers. "Leaving you was the hardest thing I've ever done and I don't want to do it again. As long as we _both_ are trying, I'm not going anywhere. And I know it's hard and we are both going to make mistakes and I'm willing to try and work through them. But, you have to know what's a deal breaker for me." Bella sits back up and looks me square in the eye and takes my face into her hands, "I'm not your property and I won't be taken for granted. The minute you begin assuming that you can tell me what to do and you stop treating me like an equal is the minute I walk."

I swallow hard, not sure what to say. So, I lean in and kiss her. It starts gentle, but her hands go back into my hair and she's on my lap and fuck, I want more… so much more. My hands fall to her hips and I squeeze, pulling her towards me. Her lips part just slightly and I take full advantage, pushing my tongue into her mouth and against hers. Bella begins grinding her hips against my already hard cock as I knead her hips and ass. Bella rips her mouth away from mine and starts kissing and licking her way down my neck while working her way down my body. Before I know what's happening, Bella reaches down and pulls my hard-on from boxers and begins stroking me and then begins to reposition herself further down between my thighs. I can't help but watch as she licks the underside of cock, starting at the base and working her way to the head. I moan loudly when she takes me into her warm mouth and her eyes immediately shoot up to mine and I almost cum right there. As Bella sucks me down and I feel the head of my cock hit the back of her throat, I close my eyes and fist the blankets with both hands, while thinking of dead cats to stave off blowing my load.

A loud crash somewhere in the bedroom snaps us both back to reality. Bella immediately sits up and looks behind her, my erection still in her hand. "What the hell was that?" I gasp.

Bella looks back to me with an enormous grin plastered on her face, "I think we might need a new tray," she laughs. Her hair has fallen around her face and shoulders in a magnificent crown of wavy, mahogany, her cheeks are flushed and her eyes are dancing with the excitement of the moment.

And she's just fucking beautiful.

On impulse, I lean down, grab her arms and pull her up to me, kissing her hard once I have her in my lap. She takes the hint and begins to move herself against my length which is now between the two of us. The friction is nice, but I want inside her. I squeeze her ass and pull away from her mouth only to nip at her neck on my way to her ear.

"You are so fucking beautiful," I groan while thrusting my hips up and against her heat.

Bella lets out chuff, and then tries to call me on what she thinks is bullshit, "You're just saying that because I just had your cock in my mouth," she teases and then grinds herself harder against me.

In an instant, I let go of her perfect ass and hold her face between my hands, forcing her to look into my eyes. I shake my head, "No, right now, with your hair wild, your God-damn blush and your eyes on fire…"never breaking eye-contact, I brush her lips softly with mine, "… YOU are absolutely beautiful."

Just as the words leave my mouth Bella crashes her mouth into mine and we become frantic. I push the crotch of her boy shorts to the side as she takes my now throbbing erection into her hand. She lifts up onto her knees a bit and shifts the head of my cock between her lips. I hiss into her mouth as her hot, wet heat surrounds me. Bella pivots her hips while I begin pushing up into her. And I know that, as tight as I am wound, it's not going to take very long for me to cum.

We find our hard, steady rhythm and just as I start to feel like I'm not going to cum, Bella reaches between us and begins to play with her clit. I glance down at her hand and feel her fingers glide around my cock and her pussy squeezes me tightly, "Fuck, Bella," I groan, "please tell me your close."

"Yeah, baby… so close," she groans. She swivels her hips, grinding against me and then I feel it… she begins to quiver and shake from the inside out. I push and pull… once… twice … and then I'm following her blindly into my own orgasm.

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**a/n: Sorry this one is so short. But, I felt the need to give you something... and at least there is a lemon ;0)**

**I wish I could say that I've been busy writing, but I can't...**

**I wish I could say that I now have an update schedule, but I don't...**

**What I can say is that I am not giving up on this story... I have realized that my goals for chapter size were unrealistic and that I will have to have more chapters than originally planned. That goal was indvertantly bogging me down and making this story very daunting to write. **

**To everyone that has stayed with me: I really appreciate your patience and please continue to bear with me.**

**jen**


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